Posted by kazoo on July 19, 2004, at 22:46:20
In reply to what's the point?, posted by lepus on July 18, 2004, at 16:39:49
> So my psychiatrist basically said she doesn't know what else to do with me.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
Find a doctor that is a little more supportive and sensitive to your needs. Your present one needs to have her head examined.
I am completely out of hope.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Okay, Emily, hit it!
HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard; 5
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I ’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea; 10
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.(Emily Dickinson (1830–86) Poem XXXII)
> I feel terrible, I have nothing in my life to live for
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
What about yourself? What about that person within you? You know, the one that's alive and trying get out? What about them? Don't they count?> (no really I don't - job? no. lover? no. friends? not really. dreams or hopes? nope)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Guess what? I don't either and I'm 26 your senior. Does this bother me? Of course it does. Does it "get" to me. I don't let it.
> So why am I sticking around?
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Because you want to. You have to. There's a destiny out there for you, waiting, waiting ... and you have to seek it out. Besides, we live in very exciting times ... a thrill a minute that I'm sure you wouldn't want to miss.> Why can't I be given or find just a little hint of hope that someday my life will be okay?
^^^^^^^^^^^Lepus, listen to me carefully: tomorrow morning and the morning after that and the one after that, ad infinitum, you will have HOPE. I'm giving you HOPE and FAITH and CHARITY. You will cherish these three gifts and share them with others who will share their HOPE, FAITH and CHARITY with you. This is how it's done. It's a simple plan. It's easy to remember ... and do.
> It has been 19 years and I am tired. I turn 30 next month. I have accomplished nothing.
^^^^^^^^^^
Accomplishments: via your perspective exclusively. You don't know how many lives you have affected either directly or indirectly all of your life. You don't know how you fit in the divine scheme of things, and you want to know this, and so doesn't everyone else. How would this help if you did know this? Would you be a "better" person? Would you be "happy"? Would you achieve and "accomplish"? You (nor I) have no idea how to answer those inquires and that's the way it has to be. But just remember: whether you know this stuff or not, you *do* make a difference to others.Nineteen years is a long time, but I got you beat by a long shot, and you know what? I got tired of being tired so I did something about it. I did something for myself which is what you have to do. You have to shuck this self-pity image and give something of yourself to others. Randomly. Without regret. And with much passion.
> I asked God to show me some kind of sign a few weeks ago that things were going to get better and that I had a reason to live.
^^^^^^^^^^^^
God's funny that way: sometimes he answers his phone but most times it's off the hook. You're better off petitioning Saint Jude.Why ask the Creator for help when the solution is within you. "God brought you to it ... he can take you through it." but don't depend on this method. This kind of contractual law isn't upheld in any court, so the solutions are within your grasp. Carpe Diem!
> What is God telling me? Give up? And yeah, I know that sounds nuts but I am getting pretty desperate.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I remember a quiz show back in the 1960s entitled "It's not what you say ... it's what you don't say." so just because you don't have a Lourdes-type vision making decisions for you does it mean, or even imply, that the Creator is ignoring you. If anything it should provide the impetus for you to help yourself.I wish you the best in the future, and may you find what you're looking for (as is everyone else).
kazoo
poster:kazoo
thread:367451
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040717/msgs/368038.html