Posted by karen_kay on July 17, 2004, at 11:15:11
i saw my pdoc yesterday. they saw me walking through the door, greeted me by name, i barely sat and the nurse came to get me. things are looking good.
started with the weight. things could be better, but things could always be worse (and the old nurse always used to put a note to the side *plus big shoes i love that woman!). blood pressure is good. she leaves the room, turns around and asks me to follow her. i'm never sure whether to follow or not, since once someone accidently slammed a door in my face. i sat in his office. things started good. it'd been three months since we'd met like this (and we just have to stop meeting like this).
then, somehow we started talking about my old man. he said 'your father?' i laughed. he laughed, confused. he asked about marriage counselling. i laughed. he laughed. i was tempted to asked if he was manic. he said, 'didn't you have one session with bubba together?' i said yes. he asked why bubba didn't have more with him. he answered his own question. i tried to say it was my own fault, but gave up on that one. it's both our fault. then, it switched to being ALL his fault.
then, my pdoc asked another line of questioning like this...
'didn't you say you met someone else?'
'did i?'
'didn't you?'
'did i?'
<the stare down>
<about 5 seconds of staring passes>
<he shakes his head and we both laugh>
'perhaps i'm confusing you with someone else?'
'perhaps you are?'
(now, that one really threw me for a loop! i wish someone would tell me if i'd met someone else! and just where the hel* are they! and why was i being so difficult with this poor man? ohhhh! maybe instead of being a doctor, he's a fortune teller? that's it! he can see my future!)
then, we talked about how long i've spent with my old man and that i'm 'throwing it away' and i finally just said 'look! i just don't like him!' he laughed again. he got the hint. i really wanted to say this....
'i want someone to rescue me. but, that's not going to happen. what i need is to realize that i don't need someone to rescue me. i need to realize that i'm completely capable of saving myself. and doing things for myself. so, i've been stuck in this stupid going nowhere relationship because i'm waiting for someone to rescue me instead fo saving myself. and that, MY FRIEND is what bubba was trying to make me realize. and i JUST realized it. now, it's the DOING it part that's hard.'
but, i was afraid to tell him that because i was afraid he would say, 'maybe you should start seeing bubba again. you'll need some support to get through this.'
but, i fooled him! he scheduled me in 3 months instead of the regular 1.5!
(oh, and we also talked about the stigma attached to working at mcdonalds. i told him it's the hat that i hate :)... that wraps it up. how was everyone else's day yesterday?
oh, and another thing too. my sister's in love :) i adore her. i smile just thinking about that beautiful girl. she was going on and on (and she's married to the most horrible man in the world and hasn't even cheated on him and i wouldn't blame her a bit for doing it either!) and he's younger than her (i warned her about younger men, but she wouldn't listen!).... but, it's strange... his name has a strange coincidence to it... i think it's a sign.... and he's a cancer (just like me :)... and if he breaks my sister's heart, i'll cry and my mother will be very angry! i feel so bad for that poor boy :(
poster:karen_kay
thread:367120
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040717/msgs/367120.html