Posted by Indie on July 14, 2004, at 13:02:00
In reply to Re: New member needing support. LONG story., posted by karen_kay on July 14, 2004, at 9:23:16
Yummy. Coffee and ice cream. Now you are sombody that I could hang out with. I just made some more coffee even though I have already had a couple of cups. If I could, I would come pick you up and we could go sit in a cafe and spend the whole day drinking coffee and eating ice cream while we talk about all of the little things that make this world worth living for. My favorite ice cream? Ben and Jerrys Cherry Garcia, Cookies and Cream, Chocolate Peanut Butter.
It is the strangest thing, I have never had a sweet tooth, I have always craved salty fat foods but after I got out of the hospital all I crave is ice cream and breakfast cereal. I swear, if my friends didn't make me go out to dinner or make dinner here all I would eat is cereal and ice cream. It gives me that unnerving feeling that all of life is chemical reactions. Love, joy, pain, everything is just reactions to all of the thousands of chemicals in our brain. It scares me that once doctors really understand the workings of the brain...and it will happen some day...that everybody will be able to alter their lives and feelings by simply taking a few pills.Remember the Stepford Wives?? Scarey!! Very On the other hand, this understanding would cure the chemical side of the nasty illnesses that everybody here suffer.
HMMM. My littel things that make me smile:
Being able to make my nephew laugh...the contagious laughter of a child is amazing!!
The feeling of my nephew snuggling into my arms and going to sleep with little baby sighs.
Knowing that my sister keeps the phone by her bed in case I need to talk in the wee hours of the morning.
Sitting with my best friend, drinking mexican martinis and talking about all of our adventures about the big wide world. (I know I shouldn't drink and that I shouldn't live in the past, but it reminds me that I have been happy, very happy and will some day be again)
Music...music is always able to fit your mood and is able to change your mood if you will let it.
Laying in the sun reading a really good book.
Roller coasters.
The smell of a lily.
The smell of bourbon that reminds me always of my grandparents giving me bourbon soaked cherrys when I was a child.
The thrill of arriving in a country where you have never been and setting out to discover its rich past and culture.
Sex with somebody that you trully love.
Doing something little that makes somebodies day.
Walking on the beach at sun down.
SCUBA diving.
The smell of the rain forest.
Laughing until your stomach hurts and your eyes water.
Falling in love.
Doing something that you are really good at.
Law and Order
Playing a good game of fetch with your dog. (I don't currently have a dog and find it sad to live without puppy love)
Discovering people with whom you can share your stories, pain, joy and all of the things that make up living without fear of being judged for the way you feel...
.....
WOW, that alot of joy. I could go on but I think it is time for me to stop hiding in my computer and start living again. I know it is an uphill climb, but I have climbed out of the darkness before and I believe now that I can do it again. I think that when I made my suicide attempt, I decided to die. While I lived through it, I don't think that I have made the choice to live again. The simple act of writing it all down really makes me want to fight my way back to life and stop living in limbo. I'm off to work on the paper...wish me luck!!!
> indie,
>
> i was just thinking to myself how completely hopeless i feel because i have no coffee. now, that's not all i don't have and that's not all of the story, but that's what it boils down to. i went to bed crying last night because i knew when i woke up this morning i'd have no coffee (and i live for coffee, it's the only reason i wake up in all honesty, or one of the few.) but, i did have very sweet dreams last night! so, that makes up for no coffee!
>
> do you have something small like that, that makes life bearable at this point? i know they're very hard to name, but i KNOW they are there...
> a friendly voice on the phone (if you say no, you just haven't found the right voice yet)
>
> ice cream (again, if you say no, you haven't found the right brand and flavor yet.. have you tried ben and jerry's (OMG! topamax! i loathe you! i've forgotten! falls! help! the kind with brownies, and chocolate, and fudge chunks... i'll post it in about 20 minutes, when it comes to me :)
>
> now, i could suggest getting naked in swimming pools but others tend to frown on that one
>
> music!!!!!!!
>
> poetry
> http://www.charlesbukowski.20m.com/bukowski_poems.html
>
> (this is from the book i'm getting!!!!) "love is a dog from hell" bukowski i can't wait!!!
>
> use the small things to get you through day to day. then, once you feel a bit stronger, finish your classes. (oh, and you said you would be happy if someone would ready your story and write back, remember? :)... are you happy yet?..) dear, i hope things get better for you. until they do, hold onto the small things, corny jokes (nice one jen star), old cards from friends and family (even i keep some of those, don't you? refer to them often), coffee first thing in the morning, sweet dreams, puppies (or kittens i guess if you are a cat person), the smell of fresh cut lawns, candy, hair bands (it's sometimes fun to sing old hair band songs even still), the fact that you've travelled (and the adventures you've had), and i know you still have some memories in your head that can bring a smile to your face even when you're crying, right? come on, i know you do... think of one right now.. if you can't imagine this.. my old man called me ungrateful 2 nights ago, so i decided not to eat (wouldn't want to be considered ungrateful, now would i? yes, i'm spiteful along with beautiful :))... so, he went to taco bell, bought a crapload (yes, that's a word) of tacos, gobbled them down very fast (while i lay in bed crying) and i awoke to him moaning 'oh, i'm so sick... i think i have food poisoning..' now, if that doesn't bring a smile to your face right now dear, you need to give me your number and i have a crapload of stories to tell you...
>
> and i really do hope you can feel better soon. i know there's not an easy solution to this thing, but god i wish there was!
>
> take care dear!
>
>
poster:Indie
thread:365893
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040706/msgs/366099.html