Posted by SandyWeb on March 28, 2004, at 4:56:35
In reply to Re: Hmmm...., posted by Dinah on March 27, 2004, at 21:38:30
Dinah,
I'm not looking for Dr. Bob to save me. Actually, I think I'm more just leaving a record. Whether he reads these messages in time is of no concern to me now. My birthday is coming up in April, and I think that should be my special day to go a-walking. I would be 39-years OLD. Ugh. Nothing much to show for in all those years...except two fantastic kids! Who'd a-thunk?? But now I'm getting antsy because April seems so far away. I'm really, really antsy!! Lol! At least I won't have to go back to dear ole hubby. He wasn't the nicest of men. He liked to strangle, smother, hit, and yell. BUT....at least it would have been the two of us against the world TOGETHER. I wouldn't have seemed so alone in this world. But now I don't have to return to that messed-up life. He lives in Washington state now. Getting closer to the Canadian border! Oh no! Lol! It was sooo nice to get away from him. My son, at 5-years of age, had to go into counselling when we moved here. He wasn't allowed to get his anger out when we lived with hubby because the big bad man would overpower him. So, when we were awat from him, Ben got ANGRY. That was a fun time! Ha! But my kiddo overcame, and he's a great 15-year old now. A little bit addicted to video games (UGH!!), but I think I'll keep him. Lol! And Carly is doing better with the sleeping pills. Apparently it leaves a disgusting taste in her mouth for the rest of the next day, but it helps her fall alseep. It just doesn't KEEP her asleep. She keeps waking up all night long....but at least she doesn't get up and turn on the light and start reading. She's getting more rest, and has been to school. Yippee. Now she just needs that therapist so she can learn how to not be fearful of the dark.
I am so glad April is coming. I've always liked my special month. April showers? Well, that's okay. If it's too miserable, I don't need to atually take a walk. My home is just as well. But I wish it would hurry up. I don't know if I can wait that long. I'm sooo antsy. And, yes, of course there is always hope. I seem like two different people. I want to get on with it, and yet there is a little bit of a search for hope. I think that is probably somehhing that we are born with. And I think that the only "hope" I would have would be the hospital. Only problem is that I've never been to the hospital, as a patient, except when I gave birth two times. I've been a very healthy girl up until last year!! And even stranger, even though I wanted to be a psych nurse, I've never been on a mentl health unit and I'm scared to death of it. Lol! Actually, I'm more scared of the unit than my birthday!! *snicker* I think the only way I would go would be kicking and screaming. And you'd have to catch me first!! Hee hee. Since I haven't run in many a year, I'd probably have to run and HIDE, run and HIDE....as I'm catching my breath!! LOL!!!! But really, I'd be too scared to go to the hospital. Which is really irrational when you think that I was a wannabe nurse specailizing in mental health. Duh! Guess I wouldn't have been a good nurse afterall. Scared of my own unit! Hee!
Well, I didn't sleep at all last night. Maybe I should try to lay down again. But my tummy is just so full of butterflies, and I just keep fidgeting, and I can't stop thinking about my birthday. I wonder what I'll get?? Ha! I was going to have an exam on the day before and the day after my birthday....but now I'm free!! Yeah!! No stress of studying around my special day. Har! So, that is my story. Maybe I should take one f Carly's sleeping pills because I'm not going to get any sleep today if my brain keeps racing like this. No prob, though. It'll slow down soon enough.
Do you ever fel like two people? One part of you wants one thing and nother part wants another? A little bit on the frustrating side. But I don't have any plans for the future. I still haven't figured out what I could do with my life. Be a bag lady looking for handouts. Ha! Now that seems like it would be fun. NOT.Cya!
poster:SandyWeb
thread:327575
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/329362.html