Posted by ant on October 9, 2003, at 1:48:44
In reply to Please help me understand my husband, posted by JJC on October 3, 2003, at 6:55:27
Hi JJC,Guy's are difficult to understand in times like these. I myself have been married to a wonderful woman for 7 years and due to relationship issues are going through what is clasified as depression/anxiety. I am taking EFFEXOR for this.
Where I was arguing every day with my wife for no good reason and becoming irrational to the point of her breaking down to tears, now we are well on our way to recovery. At this stage only I have had councelling as I feel that most of our problems are fuelled by me,(even though the main reason is an underlying relationship issue).
Anyway, I was the one who felt that I needed to change, to give some breathing space to then takle our issues, I could not have done this by myself. The medication has saved my relationship, it has given that stability in our life to relax and to put aside our issues for a short period before we start to go to councilling togeter. Even though of love my wife dearly, in the heat of the moment, I was horrible to her, only to always appologise once the argument had settled down, but the hurt had already been done. I am not saying your husband needs medication,just that I did, and still do. Try and work together with him, but don't be submissive, be yourself, but try and understand that sometimes people can't help what they say or do (but if this is the case, they do need help).
Be strong, and go to coucilling, don't be too proud to say you have a problem, this will be the main hurdle for your husband, don't put it across as he has the problem but that you both as a couple need to work through things.
Try and get sleep to keep your energy up never loose hope.
Know that with coucilling and perhaps medication in the short term, you could have your relationship back on track, sometimes its very quick.
Anyway, I'll leave on that note, all the bestAnt
> Thank you all so much for your support - it has
> really helped.
> Very late last night he eventually started talking.
> It started out as a "this is the end of the road
> for us" conversation, with no possibility of any
> alternative discussion. But by about 1:30am he had
> started to consider that maybe there could be a
> future still, and today he is almost positive about us.
> There is a lot of work ahead, but now I understand
> the main issues. And I am feeling a lot happier:
> still a bit afraid, and still going to see the
> therapist for a good number of sessions. Perhaps
> in time he will see the value of therapy as well.
> He has many unresolved issues from his (orphaned) childhood.
> Once again, thank you so much for the encouragement.
> I would not have had the strength
> to walk back into the bedroom otherwise, and we
> might never have got the conversation going again.
> I will let you know what happens.
poster:ant
thread:264954
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/267127.html