Posted by octopusprime on September 15, 2003, at 22:17:37
In reply to Re: I feel like I want to die without him. octopus, posted by kara lynne on September 15, 2003, at 12:27:54
If thinking about being dignified makes you feel good, and gives you a sense of power, that's what you need to do.
Oh kara lynne I can see your raw humanity. What if? What if? It's our human failing.
But what ifs are so destructive. We hold ourselves to an impossible ideal this way. We try to change the past, but there is no changing the past.
And you're not separating him from you. He's a separate person from you, most likely the reasons why he did the things he did were for reasons that had nothing whatsoever to do with you.
He's what computer scientists would call a "black box" - you can't see what's inside. It's tough to integrate a black box into your system. It's so frustrating, especially when the black box doesn't quite work right, and your system isn't functioning right without it. You just want to climb in the black box, mess around with the internals a bit, then put the black box back. But you can't.
What the computer scientists do is work around it. (That means they reboot their computers and reinstall Windows :) ) Sorry it's been a long day at work, but I hope you get the analogy.
I wish you would work on being confident and self-possessed *FOR YOURSELF*. You're worth it. You show so much heart and soul, you deserve the pleasure that comes from being your own woman.
Change yourself for yourself, kara lynne. Then reconsider these thoughts.
I hope your prayers are comforting.
> Dear octopus,
> You bring up a quality so foreign to me right now--dignity. It's a good quality even just to think about. How would a woman with dignity handle herself in this situation? Most likely she wouldn't call her ex at 2:30am begging for him to love her.
>
> I am riddled with doubt right now. I can't see the forest for the trees. I thought I knew he wasn't good for me, but now I honestly do not know that. Maybe I *could* have seen it through and been alright--if I could just have felt secure enough in the relationship. If I could just have felt secure in a relationship where my man wouldn't communicate, keep his word, and was bound to become verbally abusive from time to time. But if I had more of the qualities he's looking for, if I were just a confident, self-possessed woman with her own life, maybe he *would* have kept his word, wanted to marry me, not been abusive.
>
> Thus we have the makings of self-torture.
>
> I am going to pray for guidance today, o.p. Thank you so much for helping me through this.
poster:octopusprime
thread:260066
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030913/msgs/260476.html