Posted by noa on April 4, 2003, at 10:12:20
In reply to Re: abuseseinna, posted by sienna on April 3, 2003, at 12:33:58
Sienna, whether it was "abuse" is a complex question. If you mean legally, is it defined as abuse, well, that will depend on what state you live in. It is possible that it would not have been define as abuse had child welfare professionals investigated, but that only means that it didn't meet the criteria established by that jurisdiction, or that they couldn't determine based on the evidence that it met the criteria. Legal criteria are not the same as what you experienced. For legal definitions, an arbitrary line has to be drawn, but you are talking about experiences that even if they didn't go over that arbitrary legal line, could have been abusive.
If you are trying to explore the issue for yourself in terms of looking back at how you were treated, you don't need to get caught up in the question of legally whether it was abuse. Or even get bogged down on the word abuse. It sounds like very very inappropriate parenting, no matter what you call it!!
From what you describe, your Dad sounded rather out of control. To me, spanking (and I don't believe in spanking, but if I did, this would be my definition) is a carefully applied discipline approach, not something that is done when the parent is out of control with anger.
Are you in therapy? Were you in the day treatment program (forgive me for not remembering if it was you--sorry). I hope you are in treatment, because I am sure you have a lot of feelings about what all that hitting and shoving felt like. Not only physically, and emotionally, in terms of how scary it must have been, how confusing, etc. but also in terms of what kind of modeling your father did in how to solve problems and manage his anger. And how all of that affects your emotional life.
poster:noa
thread:215787
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030401/msgs/216158.html