Posted by bluedog on February 17, 2003, at 4:01:16
In reply to My self-esteem needs a shot in the self-esteem, posted by Tabitha on February 15, 2003, at 17:11:19
Hi Tabbycat
I know Valentines day is well over but I thought the following little piece might give you a laugh and might even give your self esteem that much needed shot in the arm.
I found this piece at the following link
( http://cazmatic.blogspot.com/ ) and I laughed myself silly about it:).
=================================================================================================="How do I love thee? Let me count my cash.
After a break-up with an ex-boyfriend, I was described as being “as affectionate as a traffic accident” which was supposedly meant to be an insult. It was probably the most flattering and accurate thing he ever said about me.
Call me cynical, call me cold, but I really don’t go in for big public displays of footsy or hand-holding or otherwise fawning all over you significant other – especially if you are sober. So you can imagine how much I’m looking forward to existing as part of humanity in the coming week.
I am the Ebenezer Scrooge of Valentines Day. This “holiday” will be here in less than a week, so its time to pay twice as much for a red rose as you would at any other time of the year – just to show your precious “poopsy snugglemuffin” or “schboogly kitty-snicker” or whatever other nauseating nickname you have for them – just how much you really love them.
You’ve all heard the arguments about how Valentines Day is just a commercialized activity designed to suck more money out of you as the retail industry doesn’t want to let go of the ludicrously inflated turnover it has enjoyed in the lead up to Christmas and then the after Christmas sales. Does this stop you from spending $50 on a pair of red silk boxers your boyfriend will never wear?
I’m not just anti-Valentines Day because I’m single either. I’ve been on the receiving end of these tokens of affection in the past and it’s really not all its cracked up to be. Especially when your birthday happens to fall exactly 2 weeks after “love” Day and your boyfriend whines about being obliged to spend so much money on you. Feeling obliged I might add, despite me saying “just get me something for my birthday, fuck Valentines Day” because they don’t have the balls to go against convention.
I’m not jealous that I won’t have a floral arrangement consisting of 6 roses, love-heart printed cellophane and a teddy bear waiting for me somewhere in a sea of almost identical bouquets at the reception desk downstairs at work. I can see it already, the same as every other year, they pile up – some of them never collected – making the reception area resemble the back of a hearse at a packed funeral.
And why do they always insist on having them sent to work anyway? I see it as some sort of smugness and an attempt to lord it up over the single chicks. So your husband can shell out $70 on a rose and bear. Big deal. But are you truly happy? Yes I know you’ll avoid the answer to that because society dictates you are a better person than me because you received a crass Valentines Day gift. Society dictates that your life is complete because you put an ad in the classifieds telling Mr. Bunnyfluffykins that he’s going to get some bunny lovin’ when he pops down the rabbit hole tonight.
Poor single Aunty Caz won’t have red roses wilting on her desk all day on Friday and won’t have that special someone to take her out to a restaurant and shell out double the normal price for a meal because it comes as part of the special “Valentines menu.”
Poor single Aunty Caz won’t receive a tasteful toy devil sporting a satin heat-shaped pillow inscribed with the words “Hot stuff!” Nor will she have the opportunity to buy any similar nonsense for someone else.
The Beatles got it wrong. Money, it seems, CAN buy you love. Especially if you make any purchases to coincide nicely with the date retailers deem you should be expressing your love to your “Boo-Boo Kitty-Fuck” (™ Kevin Smith).
Nothing says I love you quite like a minimum cash outlay of $150 on gifts as part of a commercialized rort. Happy Valentines Day, big business!."
==================================================================================================Hope that cheers you up a bit
warm regards from an equally single bluedog (who also didn't get anything for Valentines day)
seeya gorgeous
poster:bluedog
thread:200748
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030215/msgs/201082.html