Posted by ROO on December 14, 2002, at 12:16:16
In reply to Re: Guilt--Wendy » ROO, posted by wendy b. on December 13, 2002, at 15:28:59
. Please accept my apology...............
Wendy--No need at all for apologies...I was just wanting some
clarification...thanks for explaining...that helped alot...I've been thinking about it a lot...I was sitting at my kitchen table
last night thinking about it...and thinking about whether telling friends
(at least on a regular basis)(and I haven't been doing that) that I'm feeling suicidal is "effective" as
my therapist would say...it's not really...it doesn't really serve a helpful
purpose...for me or for them...and then the phrase "No, you just can't do
that to people" went through my head. I don't know if that's coming from a
judgemental part of myself or not. But I think if it's not told on a board like
this or the therapist's office or another person who suffers from depression who
_really_ understands and there's an implicit understanding that the two of you can
discuss these sorts of things freely...than it just sorts of causes alot of discomfort
and worry amongst friends that you can't really do anything WITH. Like you get your friends
all stirred up, but then they can't do anything with the stirred up emotions. I'll maybe
have to check that out with my friends to see if that's true or not. I've never threatened suicide.
I've just said (in a rather casual voice, while I'm describing my depression) that I've had
suicidal thoughts and that it's disturbing. I guess when I read your post I wondered and worried that
maybe I was being manipulative. I also worried about the other part of your post...in that my depression
has been so bad lately that I haven't been able to be a very good friend (something I've always prided myself
on...I've always been a really good friend...very loyal...a good listener...there in a crisis...etc) It's one of the things
I really liked about myself...and now
I feel so self absorbed with my own negativity. It makes me ashamed. And I felt the shame renewed, I guess, when I read the
post, and the fear ignited, "Oh my god, I'm a selfish self absorbed depressed person, CAN i really be a good friend? Maybe all
my friends are just going to dump me...maybe they should because I can't be an equal!"....As you can see...I took it all
WAY too personally...which is what one does when they're depressed!!! :-) :-)Silly me....
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poster:ROO
thread:33265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33343.html