Posted by Dinah on December 12, 2002, at 18:21:48
In reply to Guilt, posted by NikkiT2 on December 12, 2002, at 10:14:39
I guess it would be simpler to have no friends, and I have certainly made that choice at times.
Is your friend supportive to you when you're feeling down? Do you give her a chance to be? Reciprocity in relationships is important to both parties. (That's one thing that makes therapy great.) If it's a one sided relationship, it might not be a true friendship.
I think it's important in any relationship to understand that there is only so much you can do. You aren't responsible for your friend's life or decisions. She is ultimately responsible for the choices she makes. (Add crossed arms, and I'd sound just like my therapist here. :) )
And of course you can only give what you can give without leaving yourself empty. Sometimes the most you can give is a recommendation to a therapist or the suggestion that she contact an emergency room. But that can be a caring thing to do in itself.
All that being said (and all of it being true and important), I'm sure your friend is in a lot of pain and in no way intends to hurt you. We all deal with pain differently. My therapist gets angry with me sometimes (not openly, but I can feel it) when I express suicidal or self-injurious thoughts and one time I stopped him and asked him to listen to what I was really saying. To listen to the pain behind what I was saying and to respond to that rather than to the thoughts themselves. Of course, he quite rightly turned that around and asked me to express the pain directly rather than through talk of suicide and self injury. (grin) But perhaps your friend can't do that.
OK, I'm sounding all preachy now and I didn't mean to. Sorry.
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:33265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021206/msgs/33281.html