Posted by mair on December 19, 2001, at 13:00:10
In reply to Re: isolation » mair, posted by wendy b. on December 19, 2001, at 11:04:08
> "Sometimes I think offering my 2 cents isn't necessary, so I don't post... I gotta tell myself: I am not the expert on everything."
Maybe not, but I think it helps here to have things reiterated or said in a slightly different matter. Besides you always say things very well. >
"But since I tell so few people, I guess I am cutting myself off from any possible empathy I might get. It's just that I don't expect people to *understand* if they haven't been through it, like they would *understand* a broken bone or a bout of the flu. "
I know what this is about but I spend alot of time and energy insulating others from the effects of my illness. Most of the time I'm fine, but I think it's always bothered my shrinks that I haven't found a way to ask for support when I most need it. Of course, when I'm really depressed I'm also incredibly inarticulate about anything of personal importance. >
>
.
>
> " Writing helps me a lot. It's a therapeutic activity. I like to read other postings because they're so instructive. Put simply, I can work things out here, within another time-frame entirely. It's a time of my own choosing, which gives me control, which lessens anxiety"I think that's very true - I frequently read posts and come back to them later.
>
> "In the 'real world' I have to come back with snappy answers, here I don't."You're a teacher aren't you? What do you teach? Whatever happened to the old "I'll have to think about that and get back to you later" response? (-:
>
>
> "What does she mean by this? I do think it's great to be spontaneous when you've got something interesting or relavant to say. But I don't like bullshitting at all. So I guess taking time to think could be argued to be a more genuine or mature way of responding to the world."I don't think spontaneous is the right word. I think her concern is that there are things I don't say to her (at least not for awhile) because on a conscious or unconscious level, I fear her response. I don't feel connected to my therapist to the same degree as Dinah, but I think it's the same concept at work. There's an unexpressed fear that she'll reject me in some manner or be very disapproving or judgmental. It's probably a little frustrating to her because I can't tell her why I fear that and she genuinely doesn't give off those signals. I guess I'm probably doing a massive amount of projecting when I feel that way. I think her deal is that she assumes that I bring some of those same fears into other relationships and thus tend to be very guarded with other people at least as to any topic that I find the least bit threatening. She would say that maybe that wouldn't be the case if I can be more open with her and not be rejected. It all sounds great in theory - the fallacy is that my relationship with her is unique. I pay her to listen to me and she's trained not to react judgmentally.
>" Right, I feel the same. Also, if I don't My therapist isn't very sure about the internet. She was amazed when I told her the DSM-IV was online in several places. So I think she's one of these people who think making friends on the internet is weird, and I don't talk about PSB much in therapy…"
When I first started coming on the Board my therapist was a bit the same way. I think she saw no value in cyber-relationships. I don't talk to her at all about it except very intermittently and more in passing. For some reason, we have talked about it alot in the last couple of sessions. I think she's come around to viewing it as a positive although she is curious, as am I, about what drives me to the Board and away from it at different times. I've never really figured this out.
"Oh, I feel pretty ok about Christmas, just that there's sooo much to do, and no time to do it in. I know you're not a big Christmas fan…"Not true - it's just that I tend to get overwelmed by all that I have to do and there never seems to be enough time to just enjoy it. My extended family arrives and I house at least 4 or 5 of them. This is fine with me since I grew up in a large family/disorganized house environment, but daunting to my husband who grew up in a very small family that didn't welcome or accommodate alot of overnight visitors. Sometimes I get stressed just knowing that he feels intruded upon.
9 is still a good xmas age. My kids would love cell phones plus for me to have a pager so I'm continually and instantly accessible to them. I'm about as illiterate with cell phones as I am about computers. My husband did find this really cheap cell phone service where for a pretty minimal amount of money, you get a phone and a limited but adequate number of minutes. We may do this so our kids have a cell phone to take with them when they're out with friends. My son is driving now and I hate to have him out without a way to get in touch with us easily. Thanks for the response.
Mair
poster:mair
thread:15516
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011216/msgs/15798.html