Posted by Katey on December 14, 2001, at 16:41:59
In reply to Me too, posted by cmcdougall on December 14, 2001, at 9:17:18
I relate to everything everyone has said on this thread. i cant talk, well, technically i can, but its very uneven, i lose thought mid word, cant think of the words i want to say, and im really bad at relaying what i really want to say. i do feel disconnected to a lot of people in my life. i dont talk to most of my friends about this because i'm their mental counselor and it would hurt my ability to help and know whats going on if they knew just whats going on in my head. i put up a very painful facade at school. none of my teachers know about my mental illness, i dont want to be treated like i'm disabled. i think people maybe think theres something wrong because i'm so constantly tired, i wander a lot, i tend to isolate myself at times, and i stare off a lot. the few who do know about whats going on know very little. they know that im on medication, and they know what it does, but they have no idea whats going on. i have my parents on a need to know basis, so basically when i need them to do something, thats when they get to know. i am so amazingly grateful for this board, its the only place where i've ever been where people understand whats going on with me, dont over react about what im feeling (i fired my therapist for that)and i know that everyone has enough experience that i would give their advice some merit. im not sure what else to say except that i talk too much.
> I definately communicate better in writing. When I try to discuss sensitive issues with my husband (or anyone) the words just whirl around in my head. I know what I want to say, but the words can't make it out of my mouth.
>
> Even though I am new to posting here, I have read this board for several months and I feel that you people DO understand what I'm going through. I am also lucky enough to have a pdoc that understands me too. Since depression runs deep in my genes, I have a couple close family members that understand somewhat as well.
>
> I have found that this board distracts me from dealing with important things I need to take care of... connects real well with my procrastination problem. I also find that I'm a "little" compulsive and obsessive about it (who am I kidding?). This has happened to me once before with another board dealing with Father's rights. I was involved in a lawsuit and needed support - now I'm in a depressive crises and need support again.
>
> The board helps a lot in that I can feel a little connected to people who are also suffering, people who don't know me, won't judge me, and who have some darn good advice. After my long battles with mental illness and all the meds I've been on, I feel that I have something of value to offer, and it makes me feel good to pass it on. I am also sure that it does not feel very good for me to find something else to be compulsive and obsessive about.
>
> I set a timer for 30 minutes so that I wouldn't stay on line too long and be late for work. Oh oh, the timer went off 20 minutes ago. ;-)
>
> Carly
>
>
> >
> > > Do others of you feel that you can express yourself in writing better that you can orally?
> >
> > Yes. Psychomotor retardation makes talking a real effort for me.
> >
> > > I'd love some feedback.
> >
> > For myself, this is the *only* place where my condition is fully understood. Psychiatrists can't comprehend; certainly not therapists. I'm tired of having my level of disability questioned. Friends can only be sympathetic rather than empathetic.
> >
> > Just as I couldn't possibly imagine the horror of physical torture since I live in a democratic state, unless you've first-hand experience of serious mental illness I doubt one can appreciate fully the horror of the *mental torture* it visits upon you. Simple as that for me.
> >
> > J.
poster:Katey
thread:15516
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20011207/msgs/15561.html