Posted by JennyR on September 16, 2001, at 18:46:13
In reply to Think I fired my therapist - VERY upset (LONG), posted by JennyR on September 9, 2001, at 18:55:47
I didn't go on Monday, he called, I didn't return the call. I didn't go Thursday, but returned the call, got no satisfaction. Wanted some kind of re-assurance that he was examining himself and would guard against these occurances in the future. Only got apologies. Asked for explanations. Finally got the explanation that my being angry over him harping too much on my not having enough reaction over the first reaction made him angry and maybe that's why he didn't tell me about the second vacation. I said "you acted out because you were angry that I was angry?" He said "or maybe I was frightened" (meaning he couldn't handle my having been annoyed at him over harping on the first vacation not accepting that it wasn't that big a deal missing a week. I said "aren't you supposed to be aware of your feelings and not let them interfere?" He said yes. The conversation deteriorated as I got angrier. I went a little too far. And I had said there was no point for me to come back. But then I called him back and apologized for having gone too far and said if the right way to end it is to come in and do it in person I will. I came in, remained calm. He called this an impasse to work out. I said you don't get it, it's over. I gave him a number of additional chances to straighten things out, he said he didn't know what else to say. I told him that certain things had been of some concern to me in the past, but the bond always felt good, but now it doesn't. I don't feel safe, I think he is too lacking in self-awareness, and that if he's not telling me he's really examining himself, and knows he let his own issues get in the way, and is working it out, and unless he can therefore give me some sort of assurance that this sort of thing won't happen again, that's it. that other things had concerned me at times, even though it had mostly been very good, but this vacation stuff, particularly telling me of the 4 week vacation at the door, that this had just tipped the scales and it was now too unpredictable for me and I can't deal with the distress. I re-iterated that the 4 weeks he was away caused me considerable distress because of how he dumped me with no notice. I also told him the fact that he is forever dwelling on the past with me no matter what I bring up "that's because your mother did this, or didn't do that...." that this keeps me sad about things I can't go back and change and that I don't think that's good for me, and that though I've told him that, he still does it. And that I hate my parents now and am stuck in that and he doesn't do anything about helping me go forward through that, and that I just don't think his style is good for me anymore. He said it seems too much has happened. Oh yes, and there was also an incident way in the beggining, about 3 years ago where he let me come to a workshop he was giving about adolescents and in it he gave 3 examples from my material about my son. That had really freaked me out at the time because he never asked if he could include it, and never let me know I would be hearing my own material, told in private, to a group of strangers. (hadn't used my name, but I was very thrown). Anyway, it ended cordially, though during it he said he's felt since he came back that he's been "on trial" with me. I said because what you did, giving me no notice about the vacation was very bad, and that's what tipped the scales to where I can't do this anymore.
I think I'm repeating myself. Anyway, I'm out of there. And still in considerable distress. I'm thinking about seeing the other therapist, the woman I had consulted, but I feel reluctant to get caught up in anymore protracted involvements like this. I think this therapy experience has made me want to withdraw more, rather than reach out to anyone else for help. I never thought it would end so abruptly and messy. It used to be very good.
Anyway, thanks to those who responded. Any additional input would be appreciated.
poster:JennyR
thread:9067
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010915/msgs/11451.html