Posted by JennyR on September 9, 2001, at 18:55:47
In reply to Re: Therapist forgot to tell me about vacation, posted by JennyR on August 14, 2001, at 19:30:52
I am in a big painful mess.
I won't waste time rehashing what's above other to say my therapist made a big deal about his July one-week vacation when he came back, pressing insistently that it must have been a big deal to me when it wasn't. Then on the way out in August, when I thought I'd see him in 4 days, he said he'd see me in 4 weeks. He had only told me of 2 of the 4 weeks, and with those dates, there was still a week left. He "forgot" to tell me when he changed his plans.
I had a very hard time stewing in it for 4 weeks. Usually, on a longer break, I might miss him but I can deal with it. But I had such a mix of weird feelings that I was pretty freaked out. Because other than how weird that and the July thing were, it's usually great. Except for this other thing he does once in a while of saying something that sounds like he's expressing positive, kind feelings for me but in an ambiguous way (e.g. you are appreciated here) but when I question in he turns it around acts like he didn't say it, puts it on me, talks about my need to hear it - basically jerks me around in a very frustrating way. That only happens a couple of times a year but when it does, we end up wasting several sessions stuck on it with me getting more and more frustrating til he finally admits what he did and I finally let it go.
But overall, otherwise, things were very good, and I go twice a week and it's been 3.5 years. So now he forgets to tell me the dates of his vacation.
I consulted another therapist the 3rd week, because I was still experiencing considerable distress over this. She was sharp and good and she said he definitely has a countertransference problem where I am concerned. She said I should return but he needs to address and resolve this to my satisfaction. I returned. He apologized a lot, but as far as any explanations, they were up there with "the dog ate my homework." So now I think I'm firing him. But am very torn up about it. But as the therapist I consulted said, no therapist should ever fail to tell anyone the specific dates of their vacation, well in advance, even if they always take the same time every year (she does, he doesn't) and that he absolutely has to know better. His explanation is he was so caught up in our hassles over his over-reacting to the first vacation that he forgot to tell me about the second. This makes no sense to me. And he said I am the only one he forgot to tell. And yet, according to what he said after our hassle over the July vacation, he had said that "we work on a very deep level and that is special and unique" and that it does mean a lot to him. Then he tells me on the way out about the 4 week break, thinking he's told me, only of course he has no recollection of telling me because he didn't.
I told him on the way out Thursday, when I first saw him again, that he had not resolved this to my satisfaction and to therefore have a good life. He urged me to return. I am due back tomorrow. I doubt I will go. I think I've quit. But I'm very torn up.
But this woman I consulted said if it doesn't work out, she's there. I may switch to her.
But I am really distressed over all this.
poster:JennyR
thread:9067
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010909/msgs/11041.html