Posted by Racer on September 10, 2001, at 6:14:30
In reply to bitch, posted by sar on September 10, 2001, at 1:39:06
I'm sorry, sar, but I recently told my therapist that my goal in therapy was to learn to be a bitch!!! It's true, too.
See, the way I see it, three quarters of the problems in my life come about because I don't say no, I don't tell people that I won't cover for their incompetance, that I don't explain -- in words of one syllable or less -- why the project they're giving me can't be completed by yesterday, and that they're being unfair to me. I do let them hurt me, while trying to save their feelings. I do bust my ass trying to do the impossible in order to please them. And I wait until some of them are asleep to sneak into the guest room with my vibrator...
Anyway, here's what I'm figuring out about my depression: I'm smart, which intimidates a lot of people, who then want to take me down a peg to make themselves feel better. I'm big, which is intimidating to men in particular. I'm not good at keeping my mouth shut, which I do need to work on, but not in shutting myself up: more in using my mouth more appropriately. Being stronger. Not caring quite so much what others think of me, and caring more that I'm right when I know I am.
What about the people around me? Most of them, even those who say I should stand up for myself more, LIKE ME THE WAY I AM **BECAUSE** they can manipulate me. BECAUSE they get lots of kewl things out of my pain: someone to 'take care of', someone who will drop everything to take care of them. It's a lot easier for them to say that they want me to stand up for myself, but they want me to stand up to everyone EXCEPT themselves.
No wonder they think I'm a bitch when I do!
So, what's the answer? Do you truly like the new you? If so, it's easy: either train your old friends to like the new you, too; or encourage them to get the help they obviously need so that they don't need you to be weak in order to make themselves feel strong.
And here's the unsolicited advice: forget about whether they like the new you. Does the new **and IMPROVED** you like them?
xoxo
poster:Racer
thread:11075
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010909/msgs/11080.html