Posted by JennyR on July 21, 2001, at 22:31:03
In reply to Re: Therapist problems » Marie1, posted by judy1 on July 21, 2001, at 13:22:25
Sorry, sent it before meaning to.
The end of what I was saying is I finally asked him what he had meant by what we do being unique and special, special to who. He said to both of us. He said how much he respects what we do and respects the trust I put in him to allow it to happen. I asked if I mean anything to him on any level, within all the proper boundaries, within the context of what we do in that room. He said "of course."
I am happy now, because he never said this stuff before, in 3/5 years, most of which has been twice a week. I think the whole hassle we run into is because he is trying to be very professional by never expressing positive feelings toward me, and when he does, it makes him so uncomfortable, feeling he slipped, that he backs off, and then he puts it on me, my need to hear it, etc, when I was just trying to clarify what he meant, because it sounded too good to be true, yet sufficiently vague.A main point to "In Session" was therapists should know that they take on mammoth proportions to us and therefore have to be very careful to keep their needs out of it. I think he doesn't express his feelings, because once they express feelings, their needs get involved, and then it is not 100% about the client. I think my therapist goes overboard trying to adhere to this.
That book calls the therapeutic relationship "an approximate relationship" because parts of it have to do with the real here and now between two people, and then there's that whole other dimension of transference, of them seeming larger than life because we know so little about them and project all these wonderful qualities onto them, and we love the attention they lavish on us, and because it is so one way and unequal and full of inconsistencies compared to other relationships, it is bound to be confusing and troublesome at times.
Anyway, thanks for input and for the fascinating stuff you've all written, which helps me see I am not alone in these perplexing feelings.
poster:JennyR
thread:7541
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7724.html