Posted by JennyR on July 21, 2001, at 22:21:13
In reply to Therapist problems, posted by JennyR on July 17, 2001, at 5:45:26
1. I think what I started this with has resolved. He did admit that he backs off from his positive statements and throws them back at me. He says he'll watch out for it. We both agree that 95% of the times things are great. He admits to pushing the vacation questioning but says it really was out of concern for me.
2. I read the book you folks are talking about "In Session" the last time he and I had this go around in October. It helped a lot then and I have re-read parts of it.
3. He did finally give me some unambiguous very good feedback, after a lot of going in circles. It made me happy.
4. The feelings you folks are describing are so much what I go through. I am always shaken up when I leave a session, partly because we get into deep stuff, partly because the intensity of the connection feels so wonderful yet at the same time is tinged with sadness, longing, etc. The intensity of my feelings for him do confuse me. I know it's not a sexual thing, because I don't fantasize about him in that way (doesn't work, feels too taboo). So I try to figure out why he means so much. He says because I got so little as a kid from my cold un-nurturing parents. In fact, all good things feel "bittersweet" to me. He says because good things remind me of what I didn't get, missed out on. I also know I also have feelings of being unentitled, undeserving of good things.
The thing about being with this therapist, is I feel so understood, and the communication and empathy are usually so good, that when it does go off track on rare occasions, it practically devastates me. To me, I've often wondered what he feels, and this problem we run into of him saying something pretty good and reflecting of his caring, but then I question it, then he sort of takes it back, puts it on me, jerks me around - this always makes me question what he feels - does he really feel a strong connection too, but feels he shouldn't say so (bad technique) and so he backs off, or does he really not care much and I am just part of a day's work. He did finally answer it over this extended hassle we just had. He said we work on a deep level and it is very special and unique. I was afraid to ask "to who, you mean to me?" because I thought we'd get in that whole hassle again. So I told him he was being ambiguous again. I asked him to clarify. He said "it's a two way street." I said that's still unclear. He said "it can't happen in a vacuum." I said this was more of the vague ambigous stuff that drives me crazy that starts these hassles. I got frustrated. Later on I returned
poster:JennyR
thread:7541
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010717/msgs/7722.html