Posted by Anna Laura on June 19, 2001, at 6:05:53
In reply to Re: Am I just too depressed--Anna Laura, posted by Roo on June 18, 2001, at 8:08:47
> Anna Laura--
>
> My doubts sometimes center around the feeling that
> maybe I'm not really having a good time. But then
> I'm constantly up in my head and analyzing things
> to death, which really isn't creating an atmosphere
> for having a good time. Laugher is pretty important
> to me (especially having depression and needing some
> comic relief from time to time), and me and my boyfriend
> have very different senses of humor. His is more
> intellectual, mine is more just plain goofy. Sometimes
> I feel guilty b/c I don't really think he's that funny.
> It's not that he dosen't have a sense of humor, it's
> just that I don't get it half the time and I'm very
> self conscious about the fact that I'm forcing myself
> to laugh.
> Also, what causes me to have doubts is my inability to
> just feel content in this relationship. The fact that
> doubts pop up so damn often really is hard on me. I just
> want to be able to relax and be in it, rather than
> continually question it.
> But then like someone else said, is it a chicken or
> the egg thing? Is my depression causing me to view
> everything in a negative light, or is the situation
> simply wrong for me and causing me to be depressed.
> Arugh. And, of course no one can know but me. I feel
> a little sheepish and guilty about laying my heart and
> my personal business out to total strangers...sometimes
> it's easier to talk about this stuff to total strangers
> than to the people that know me best. Plus they're
> probably sick of hearing it :-)
> He's a great guy. He's handsome, smart, sensitive,
> adores me to death, loves his parents, is willing to
> do anything for me...I've been with real bozos in the
> past so i'm unwilling to let this guy go (he's a very
> rare person I think) without really knowing for sure.
> My complaints are that I wish we laughed more...I wish
> sometimes that he weren't so focused on me and had more
> of a life outside of me....and I wish I felt more content
> with things as they are...I've had the same problems with my ex-fianceé. I loved him, was sure of that but i was constantly wondering if he was the right guy for me also.
I'm a northern Italian whereas he came from the south (big time difference).
He never laughed or made jokes, was kind of cynical and fatalist, susbstantially believing we can't control our destiny whereas i was optimistic (i know it's strange if you're depressed) believing that life was worth living, people being good at the core. He thoughts most of people were mean instead.
He didn't have a diploma whereas i was in College.
His parents were poor (his father was a miner). My parents were rich (attorneys- at-law).
Despite of this, we loved each other a lot.
I thought he was the best guy on earth, sensitive and understanding, i felt he loved me very much.
We've been together five years and we're still in touch (unfortunately he suffers from a terrible illness).
I don't know, i think it was worthy despite of all the negative factors i mentioned above.
I know it might sound obvious, but i advice you not to think too much: just live this story instead of looking at it from the outside rationalizing all the time; life is too short for this: just live it.Best whishes and good luck
Anna Laura
poster:Anna Laura
thread:6456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010611/msgs/6544.html