Posted by Roo on June 18, 2001, at 8:08:47
In reply to Re: Am I just too depressed to committ to anyone?, posted by Anna Laura on June 15, 2001, at 13:05:51
Anna Laura--
My doubts sometimes center around the feeling that
maybe I'm not really having a good time. But then
I'm constantly up in my head and analyzing things
to death, which really isn't creating an atmosphere
for having a good time. Laugher is pretty important
to me (especially having depression and needing some
comic relief from time to time), and me and my boyfriend
have very different senses of humor. His is more
intellectual, mine is more just plain goofy. Sometimes
I feel guilty b/c I don't really think he's that funny.
It's not that he dosen't have a sense of humor, it's
just that I don't get it half the time and I'm very
self conscious about the fact that I'm forcing myself
to laugh.
Also, what causes me to have doubts is my inability to
just feel content in this relationship. The fact that
doubts pop up so damn often really is hard on me. I just
want to be able to relax and be in it, rather than
continually question it.
But then like someone else said, is it a chicken or
the egg thing? Is my depression causing me to view
everything in a negative light, or is the situation
simply wrong for me and causing me to be depressed.
Arugh. And, of course no one can know but me. I feel
a little sheepish and guilty about laying my heart and
my personal business out to total strangers...sometimes
it's easier to talk about this stuff to total strangers
than to the people that know me best. Plus they're
probably sick of hearing it :-)
He's a great guy. He's handsome, smart, sensitive,
adores me to death, loves his parents, is willing to
do anything for me...I've been with real bozos in the
past so i'm unwilling to let this guy go (he's a very
rare person I think) without really knowing for sure.
My complaints are that I wish we laughed more...I wish
sometimes that he weren't so focused on me and had more
of a life outside of me....and I wish I felt more content
with things as they are...
poster:Roo
thread:6456
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010611/msgs/6515.html