Posted by Doo on May 9, 2001, at 17:09:02
In reply to Re: psychosis and existential stuff, posted by kid47 on May 9, 2001, at 12:39:34
Hi Kid,
> Hi. Had to jump in here. This is a very interesting thread. My therapy too has been inadequate. Existential issues, for whatever reason, seem to me to be at the heart of my illness. The therps I have talked to seem to basically ignore this & want me to deal mainly with the day to day process of functional living. Granted this is important but if I were to somehow rectify my core issues, I believe everything else would fall into place.
I understand so much what you mean. Some approachs see existential questionning as it was a 'bug' in the program. They claim that having a satisfying day-to-day living is the key. I think it's okay for some poeple. But for others, there is a limit to that approach. I think we need a space, a time, to explore that 'lack of answer', that painful silence. And finally find our own way to deal with it. A friend of mine has chosen to try psychoanalysis, a special approach (www.gifric.com) based on freud and lacan. She actually works in a centre where they treat 'psychotic' patients with psychoanalysis. Freud and Lacan themselves believed that their approach was not effective for 'psychotics'. But that centre has a special approach which helps the person be responsible, assume their weird ideas, and step towards more autonomy. As for the psychoanalytic process, it does bring a period of crisis, and the aim is to be able to face those crisis by ourselves, gradually. I may one day begin that type of therapy, but it scares me a lot. Bacause I once was so paralysed by the crisis, I don't want to live that again... But I'm afraid I'll have to face it at some times in my life anyway. For the moment, I try to maintain a relatively stable day-to-day life and will see where my therapy leads me.
> I am constantly plagued with concerns about what we (humans) really are. Are we basically just a developed organism that is directed by chemical reactions& electrical impulses?
Urgh. That question sometimes pushes me into total terror and feeling of absurdity - I had a 'psychotic' episode where I was convinced that killing myself was the best I could do for me. I'm really scared it comes back. I don't take antipsychotics and I wish I never have to. I never went to hospital and wish I never have to. In fact I'd like to talk about it and I'm so scared to talk about it because it brings back the 'psychotic' feeling of absurdity and madness I lived 5 years ago while on 'magic' mushrooms.
>Obviously this question has been asked many times before, hence (along with a bunch of other reasons) the development of religion. I too have a spiritual void which I know makes things harder for me to deal with. I want terribly to allow myself to put my life in the hands of a higher power as I am so tired of trying to figure it out on my own. I am an electrical engineer. I have a good grasp of physics. My life has revolved around "bullet proof" theories & empirical investigation. It is extremely diificult for me to accept anything on faith alone. I have read several articles that set out to "scientifically" reinforce the teachings in the Bible, but it still requires a significant leap of faith to accept.
>
I know exactly what you mean. I lived an intense crisis that lasted for long, long months. I went to India, in a state of complete despair, and found a guru, and I had some mystic experiences. But nothing that has calmed my pain. After a couple of years of search for medication and therapy, the crisis is less intense, but still there. I begin to think and accept that it is there to stay, that I have to face it with the help of a good therapist.It's good to hear that I'm not alone asking myself what I am, why I'm here... And not finding any real answer. For the moment, I think part of the answer may be to share that hole.
As for new scientifical evidence that reinforces teachings of the bible, I never heard of that. I heard some vague things about old oriental sayings being reingorced by new findings. But never read any serious works about that. I have read some books about an afterlife, and the NDE's (Near-death-experience), and some facts really shake the logical mind, forcing us to admit that 'geez there really IS something there!'. Unfortunately in the everyday life, this 'something' stays hidden.
> I am amazed by what occurs in nature. At times I can almost convince myself that there MUST be some supreme force directing or at least initially triggering this incredible chain of events called creation. I feel good when I am thinking this, but inevtiably the more harsh "realities" of what science truly can prove begins to influence the "logical" mind.
>
> Some say believing in a higher authority is a choice. But how do you make it?I really have no clue. Being able to make that choice supposes you have a certain faith in something and that that something is trustable. Many pretend this is the best thing we can do.
>I go to church. I have gone to more liberal religious gatherings also, but it all feels alien & hypocritical to me. I have explored alternative spiritual teachings but I just don't get it. They say fear is a great motivator. True. But do I have to become so desperate & afraid that I will convince myself that an all powerful creator is watching over us in this life & the next.(& that there is a next!) That doesn't strike me as the basis for a good relationship on any level.
>
> Sorry this has become such a novel. It is hard for me to get a handle on my true feelings about this & articulate them. It's more of a gut feeling-so I tend to ramble. I have made significant strides in the last several months dealing with my illness. This issue of "what are we, why are we here?" is someting I truly need to address. I guess I should be thankful that I am finally to a point where I have the state of mind to even consider this stuff. Any input, ideas, opinions, advice would sure be welcome. TIA
>
> Kid
>I hope you eventually find your answers (and I wish that for myself too)
oh and what's TIA ?
Read you later,
Doo
poster:Doo
thread:5880
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20010417/msgs/5919.html