Posted by laural on October 26, 2000, at 16:22:00
In reply to Re: Punishment for lack of courage...., posted by Cass on October 26, 2000, at 15:39:32
i've been there, wanting to fade away by not eating or at least trying for very long periods of time in a passive attempt at an ending. i have felt EXACTLY like you desribe. my anorexia didn't go away for a long time because i kept it under control living with the parents and then gained many pounds off to college and then when i got sick it came back to the control issue, my life was spinning so fast and it somehow felt spiritual to be able to exist without depending on food. wow was i wrong! my immune system went to shit for lack of nutrition among other very horrible things and reading up on aesceticism i realized that what was the point of the existance of flowers if we weren't supposed to enjoy them? even buddha followed the middle path in the end. i can't say i'm always successful, but i really try, as i am diagnosed schizo-affective bipolar. it doesn't make you strong or tough to starve yourself to death and it doesn't mean youre strong and tough if you can cut yourself. the strong part is making that totally nonlogical leap of faith and knowing that one day you will be comfortable and at peace and ALIVE, not just surviving. my thoughts are with you. laural
poster:laural
thread:1626
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1635.html