Posted by Rzip on October 17, 2000, at 22:47:29
In reply to Re: Post-postings Evaluation, posted by Rzip on October 17, 2000, at 22:42:40
> To all,
>
> I am sorry that I could not fit into your "family". I did not mean to upset the rhythm of this group. I understand that in order to sustain the degree of genuine support among yourselves, the atmosphere has to be secure, and the relationship has to feel tight. Afterall, that is why there is such a discipline called psychotherapy.
>
> I do not think any more surfaces should be scratched. I empathesize with your fear that the whole service will fall apart. It is really too bad because I think this service has a lot of potential to provide and to give. But there are some kinks that need to be worked out.
>
> Personally, I think this service has both helped and hurted me. But the details are irrelevant now.
>
> From the bottom of my heart, I wish you guys good health and cheers. And even through I am not religious, I hope God will help me through tonight and tomorrow. And maybe the next day? I think now is the time for me to believe that I am strong, and I am human.
>
> I just regret sharing my heart and soul with you guys. I really tried to fit in. That is all I wanted. I do not know why it is so hard for you guys to accept that simple fact. I am lonely, up till the point that I am going insane. Sometimes, one does not need a diagnosis to claim that one has a problem. Isn't distress and cry for help enough? Actually, I really do not know why I do not fit in here, or in real life. Well, in real life, I do not talk or express myself much. I just kind of act out impulsively once in a while, and then I get in trouble. God help me.
>
> I perfectly understand the dilemma here. The question is not why I am taking up so much of your time and energy. But why do I have to fit in. I think some of you tried to be open-minded but the majority rules. I do not think this is a situation to really feel bad about it, but just to accept that sometimes it is better for the sanity of the service not to think and not to question too much. Unfortunately, I am being trained to think as part of my education.
>
> There was a time that I really needed you guys, and you responded in volumes. For that, I am very thankful. I think I presented myself as a very controversial person, even through I did not mean to. In retrospect, I have learned a lot about human to human interactions here. Good or bad, it doesn't really matter because when I first registered, I had almost no clue how to interact. It sounds extreme, but it is somewhat true. Carry on as before. Farewell.
>
> P.S. I hope that my schoolwork and exams this week will go well; else I am going to lose it. I just feel sad (not angry or mad) that things worked out as is. But at least now I have reasons to believe why I fear social interactions so much. I know it is bad to retreat again, but I'll just have to hope for the best. After all is said and done, I only have tender feelings for you guys because I am incapable of emotions. How am I supposed to feel? Some people on this board tells me (when I read between the lines) get lost! Leave us alone! Don't rock the boat! But others tells me you are welcome as long as you try and fit into the mode... I do not want to go on because it is really not my place to analyze. It just did not work out for me. Period. Too bad for me that you guys were the only form of interactions I had. How am I supposed to think about this? Answer: Don't think and just fit into the mode. Well, I guess I am just too stubborn and naive.
>
> Sincerely,
> No one knows my real name because I lied (And that is the first and last lie that I have told on this board)
Note: As the subject suggests, please do not reply because I really do not want to get my hopes up again. I do not know why I set myself up to take the falls. Live and learn, I guess.
poster:Rzip
thread:1083
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20001011/msgs/1239.html