Posted by susan47 on September 19, 2008, at 13:59:42
In reply to Re: How he can flip the switch:SUSAN47, posted by Just Me33 on September 4, 2008, at 9:53:59
> Oh, I have MAJOR fears of abandonment. My ex husband and I were married 7 years...the last year, he began to go out and stay out late, then it got worse and he just stopped coming home and would turn his phone off....it was absolutely devastating and so painful for me...I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep...so I finally went to see a lawyer and just ended it. It was a very dark time in my life to get through and it took me being medicated and taking time off of work to get past it.
>
> THEN, I immediately met my now ex-fiance, L...he moved in after 3 months of dating and then we moved to a different state together...twice...his job took us from state to state...well, then he began to show the same behaviors after three years...staying out late, then stopped coming home...of course, he always apologized profusely and begged me to stay, so I continued to do so...then, in the midst, SUNNY10's hubby inroduced me to R. and I knew after talking to him every night and day for hours, I had a way out from my fiance....I had someone "waiting in the wings", so I kicked L out...then R and I began to have the whirlwind romance that I had always dreamed of...and things went south FAST...
>
> Now, mind you, they were all "getting what they needed" at home and I cook, clean, hold a steady job...all of those things...
>
> So it HAS been that I have always been with someone...well, at least for the past 12 years...
>
> Do I give too much, too soon?...I am an enabler? A doormat? I DO want to be loved...so desperately...and my other friends and SUNNY10 say how great of a person I am...then WHY can't I be loved like I love these men?
>
> One of my friends, who has been single for 11 years, once told me that she would rather be in an unhealthy relationship than no relationship at all...and I told her she was out of her mind....but now, I am almost feeling the same way...WHY?
>
> They say (I know, who is "they" really!?)that you find love when you are not looking for it...but shouldn't I start a search...go to groups, go online to one of those matchmaking sites....what do I do?
>
> Thank you for being here and helping me...SUNNY10 has been an absolute savior, as well, yet I still feel so lonely....You need to spend some time alone before you mee the right guy, and I'm sure whatever happens is meant to happen. I'm the same way, always wanting a relationship even when i have a terrible one, it's better than none at all. It sounds like you have rarely if ever had none at all. Even though you know it's the wrong mindset to have anything rather than nothing. Fear of abandmonment?
I'm a Borderline, which I was dx'd with this year. It sucks at first, then you realize there's a treatment for it and the criteria for the Dx don't have to be met all the time... so there's hope for getting over your fear. There really is.
I'm still just trying to find my hope. I think it might be in the people around me, who've come out the other side okay.
poster:susan47
thread:848649
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20071110/msgs/852935.html