Posted by sassyfrancesca on May 9, 2008, at 8:17:30
In reply to Re: help: emotionally abusive man, posted by hoolahoop on April 9, 2008, at 8:09:40
but NEVER go into therapy with an abuser..One of 2 things will happen, you will open up and he will abuse you later, or you will be too fearful to say what is happening and nothing can happen.
Unfortunately a lot of therapists will miss the dynamics of verbal abuse, because the abuser is a master manipulator and fools everyone..I am an "expert" in emotional abuse; I lived it for 31 years (finally got a divorce). i am the moderator of an abused survivors' group.
Things you need to know: An abuser is full of rage and anger....at things that happened most likely in childhood that they are unaware of. They take it out on the person they are supposed to love the most.
They are incredibly insecure and jealous.
They are always right, and YOU are always wrong.
They are full of fear that you might leave, and do everything to push you away into leaving (self-fulfilling prophecy).
They RARELY change, unless they get into years and years of intensive therapy (they usually do not stay long and think they don't have a problem); it is always someone else.
YOU CANNOT EVER CHANGE THEM.
Verbal abuse is LITERAL brainwashing.
STOP responding to their abuse; they are only interested in CONTROLLING you; getting you to defend yourself and argue....it never ends.
Get educated: Read the book, get into therapy (ALONE), call a women's shelter, domestic violence hotline........it is possible to get free and get healthy.....even tho it took me 31 years, I did it.
Love, Alice
Feel free to contact me any time. I have babble-mail.
The research I did was for 10 years, and finally found the book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia EvansIt should be required reading for everyone on the planet. It is rampant.
poster:sassyfrancesca
thread:817118
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20071110/msgs/828134.html