Posted by DannaB on March 22, 2007, at 22:44:47
My therapist has helped me so much. A lot of what he has helped me with is standing up for myself and expressing my feelings (usually anger, which I suppress). He believes in me in a way that almost makes me believe in myself! However, my family simply CANNOT validate my feelings. I understand that people disagree with each other, etc., but I just want my feelings to be validated. However, it seems that the more "progress" I make with my therapist, the more I stand up for myself and the less my family is able to tolerate me, because they don't ever support me when I am honest about my feelings.
I grew up poor and I have a chip on my shoulder about it. My siblings are extremely successful yet they choose not to help. I understand that maybe they feel it's not their responsbility, etc., but when I expressed to my mother that this was upsetting to me she just argued to me how I was "wrong" and "greedy" and "feel entitled." Meanwhile, I guess I should just be pleased to hear about my brother's extravagent vacations, hobbies, lifestyles, etc. and not feel the least bit jealous or upset while I struggle in graduate school for a profession that pays very poorly? (I feel the career choice was a huge mistake but that's for another post.)
The issue is not that he chooses not to give, which is his prerogative. The issue is that the FEELING I expressed was sadness about not having more help in my life and my mom just argues with me about how my feelings aren't justified and indicate that I am a bad and selfish person! I just wish that my brother would step in and help me since I don't have a father to do it (he's dead). Believe me, I realize that it's not his responsiblity and he doesn't "owe me," but I still wish that he would, since I don't have anyone else to help.
All my mom needs to say is, "I can imagine how you feel. You sound upset. It must be hard." But instead we get into a huge fight, which is of course all MY fault.
poster:DannaB
thread:743359
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20070210/msgs/743359.html