Posted by DannaB on January 20, 2007, at 21:27:13
In addition to all of my other problems, I am really needy. Although I may appear to have a lot going for me, I really don't feel that way inside. I have two questions--one, how can I best communicate my needs and two, any suggestions for hiding/downplaying my neediness?
I'm in a good-but-new relationship and I'm terrified to scare him away by being high maintenance and too dependent on him. For example, this weekend he said he would be working a lot, but would "try to" make time to see me. So I didn't make any plans with friends and then ended up staying home feeling sorry for myself (my mistake). Now I have talked to him and did my usual insecure, "are we okay?" thing. It would have been so much better if I'd made plans and shown him that I can do my own thing sometimes. I recognize that this is an unhealthy pattern, but its very hard to change it.
What I want to convey to him is that although I am insecure, **I would feel much more reassured if he could just do one or two things.** For example, earlier in our relationship he would TELL me how much he liked spending time with me. He would also call more often and text message me during the week. I don't think he has stopped b/c he likes me less, but rather he assumes that I know how he feels about me. But since I'm insecure, I just assume the worst. How can I best explain this without making a big deal out of it?
Also, how can I downplay my neediness? How can I learn to do things on my own and be more independent? I can manage during the week, but on the weekend it is really hard for me to not see him. I am not good at making plans ahead of time and therefore often find myself bored and with nothing to do...and it's too late because everyone I call already has plans. (I almost wish I had a "life coach" to push me and remind me to make plans ahead of time and to try new things.)
poster:DannaB
thread:724624
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/724624.html