Posted by Reggie BoStar on December 15, 2006, at 17:57:54
In reply to Thread for people with no relationships for life?, posted by Reggie BoStar on December 10, 2006, at 18:28:28
Hi Everyone,
Thanks for your kind messages of support.Actually, though, I think I probably didn't express myself very well in that first posting. My intent was to get responses from other people like myself who have decided to be alone for one reason or another - and who have adapted to being that way after many years.
Certainly there was the kind of pain described in the other postings during the first few years of solitude. In fact, it was not unlike what LJRen is going through right now.
But over the years that pain gradually fades, while the interest in being in relationships also fades. Eventually I passed a "break even" point, where I began to feel as though I was better off than many people in relationships.
It's not easy sometimes, certainly. But that's just life. From my vantage point I see people in relationships as having as many problems as individuals as I do, plus all the added emotional baggage of being in a relationship. Everyone I know in relationships seems to have incredible issues that I have no interest in having; and to me, all of the benefits of being in a relationship are not nearly enough to compensate for the inherent problems.
So, I wanted to hear from people like me: well past all the pains of seperation, and finally at a point in their lives where they genuinely feel more comfortable than they ever could in a relationship. I wanted to swap stories of how we cultivate friendships, get along with people in our families, and deal with the stigma of not being in a relationship.
In my case, for example, a lot of people assume that because I have no relationships, I must be gay. This of course is flat-out wrong. Other people automatically assume that they know what is good for me, and try to impose a more social life on me than I want.
THESE are the issues I wanted to discuss, but didn't phrase very well in my first message. How do other people like me manage what associations they do have, and how do they handle intrusive and/or uninformed people?
LJRen, this is definitely NOT advice to hang it all up and be alone. In fact I would never advise anyone to do anything with relationships one way or the other. Each to his/her own is my attitude. And I certainly don't mean to imply that all relationships are bad for all people. That's not my place. It's just that for some people, me included, they ARE bad and just not the way to go.
So, thanks again for all your kind posts and sorry if I led you astray with that first posting.
Take care,
Reggie BoStar
poster:Reggie BoStar
thread:712251
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060920/msgs/714026.html