Posted by KayLen on July 9, 2006, at 17:43:18
In reply to Re: wow, posted by Jost on July 8, 2006, at 19:00:23
Hi, Jost,
There is so much wierdness in my whole situation. I didn't want to lose my business so in a sense...I never left. And I have only let one person hear some of the tapes {cd's now}and when I asked that person "if you had not heard this yourself ...and I told you the same thing you just heard and know he said would you have believed me?"....they couldn't look at me as they said No, I would have thought you were making it up or having a mental breakdown.
He doesn't believe he has any reason for therapy, Ive got him to go three times once to three different doctors...and he lied to each one. Only one of the doctors was able to see through his lies and believe me. To me Jost, it is all so far from anything I even thought could happen to anyone much less ME...that it may have tweaked me or something...I have been living a life that for the last decade is worst than any nightmares ive had and im still suffering. As far as me trusting him...so far there hasn't been an opportunity to show me he is or isn't trustworthy...so I do not trust him...and I won't untill he can prove he is worth trusting....if an oppourtunity to prove it doesnt happen ..I never will trust him. He has always told me I was wrong about it all...always proclaimed I was A. depressed B. PMS C. manic ...or as i call it his symptom of the day for me. And now that I have proof from his own mouth that I was not wrong...he trys his best to act like everything has been ok. especialy in front of others. I know he must have some deep underlying problems ..and i have told him that ..i told him he was a very sick man and that I had to get away because his illness was killing me. I know that I have to have big problems also to still be trying to deal with this instead of going on with my life, but for years i was emotionaly abused and it is a very insidious abuse. It is compared to brainwashing ...I began to believe the terrible things he said..I became manic depressive...and couldn't take care of simple daily things...for awhile I was totaly dependant on him to even get me to the doctors...today I still deal with hypo-mania and im so much better...I drive or fly thousands of miles...I take care of myself and have discoverd that it is no shame to ask for help...but I still love this man...I know he did what he did not because he hates me or is a bad human but he is sick. And I have to make up my mind ...I still have my sense of humor and i think of that song..."should I stay or should I go?..If I stay there could be trouble ..and if I go it could be double"...and I just discoverd something while typing that..i am a coward. thank you Jost very much...I hope you have the best possible life ever!!
PEACE
Kaylen
poster:KayLen
thread:664439
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/665529.html