Posted by KayLen on July 8, 2006, at 13:24:01
In reply to wow » KayLen, posted by wildcardII on July 7, 2006, at 22:38:23
> ~you have to be the one to make that final decision but i think you answered a lot of your own questions and i don't recall hearing something very very important~that you loved him...i do not think that anyone who would do that to me i would ever be with again as the trust would be completely gone...
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> you seem very smart and maybe it would help if you ask yourself, 'why does HE deserve another chance?' and 'do I really love him?'...
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> i hope you find what is best for you and makes you happy but *if* you stay, would the past continue to emotionally abuse you? maybe some counseling for you and eventually both of ya'll together could help you make a decision w/ all you're feeling and have been through?. hang in there.Wildcard II
I have been rereading your post to me ...I have a question ...Your question was excelent "would I continue to let my past abuse me ..."....that is just what I am doing now and I don't know how to stop myself , I have been able to stop constantly thinking about it but it is still there. I feel as if I will never be free of it no matter what I do or don't do, I feel I love him , sometimes I think he deserves another chance other times I think of my situation and think i must be insane to not run for my life ...literally ...am I answering my own questions again?...do I have the guts to do anything about...anything?...i think the last decade answers that..I don't know how I became so weak and dependant. I am getting stronger but have reached a very low plateau..and at times fear that I have come to a point that I have reconciled with ...I tell myself counseling ..I began couneling at the beginning of this abuse for about four years ..and weather it helped or hinderd i don't know ...I didn't get the nerve to leave untill i quit couseling, I got support from a chat room of good people and that is what got me to safer ground . and that was my only source of support in anyway..I am really greatfull for that ...I don't like the idea of wasting another four years to go back to where I am now...I have a good financial life and I know one of us would ruined materialy if not both by a court battle ....and then i say to myself so what??..what is it worth?..and i think I may have gone too far and lost sight of everything that was once important and true for me..to me. I may have sold myself ...with no refunds allowed.that is what your question has led me to ask myself..have I done that? I must have the answer inside somewhere...is it hiding because i dont want to face it??..or havent got what it takes to do something about it?...When I think of the future with him I see nothing and I have a great imagination but I draw a blank. thanks for posting Wildcard...
PEACE
Kaylen
poster:KayLen
thread:664439
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060621/msgs/665131.html