Posted by jonquiljo on March 14, 2006, at 14:52:05
In reply to Weighty issues in a marriage, posted by ExcellentCamper on March 13, 2006, at 19:22:07
Camper,
To be brutally honest (which is the only way I know how to be), you need to lighten up a bit (sorry about the pun) and look at what a marraige should be in perspective. There a lot more to a marraige than sex (drugs, and rock-and-roll). Seriously! Hopefully in a marraige, you will grow old together and face a great deal of adversity. A strong emotional bond is the best thing you can aspire to. When you get older - things on both of you will start to deteriorate (believe me I know) and there is very little you can do to prevent the inevitable.
You say, "... my self-centeredness, perfectionism, my tendency to form friendships with women that become emotionally and sexually charged..." These are traits that you need to rise above - and it is clear that you understand this a well. Marriages involve sacrifices, and this means modifying your behavior and etc, to those that best represent a 50/50 relationship. Remember, this is a person whom you've sworn to dedicate your life to - good and bad - and it means compromise on your part too.
While sex is incredibly important, please understand that sometimes there are circumstances that prevent that from happening in an ideal fashion - or even at all. Be glad you have that to share - at all! Someday things might not be so good. The problem may even be yours.
I guess what I'm saying is that a marriage is a series of commitments and compromises. WHat remains is a long-lasting partnership that hopefully lasts a lifetime. Sometimes you need to "get over" your own limitations to make that happen. I apologise for being so frank, but it does come from my heart. I am in a marriage where I must make serious compromises to deal with my wife. Yes, its a trade-off. One that -- hopefully -- is worth it in the end. Only you can decide that. Good luck.
Jon
poster:jonquiljo
thread:619915
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20060220/msgs/620248.html