Posted by wyatthaslakefever on December 21, 2005, at 21:57:10
hey all,
so i just had sex for the first time a few days ago. i'd been so scared to do it for so long but it was actually really great. the only hitch is, i feel really weird around my parents--i'm home for the holidays, i'm in my senior year of college. this woman is a lot older than i am (i'm 21, she's 42) and i am pretty sure this would be an issue even though my parents are 17 years apart themselves. i don't want to tell them--they're fine with the gay thing, by the way--but i feel like there's this divide between us since i cannot tell them. i'm worried they'd be dissapointed or grossed out or something. even though they always say they'll love me no matter what--and i believe this--i am scared.
it's so hard, especially because this is my last year of school and i'll have to go out into the real world. i'm terrified enough as it is; this is just an added stressor.
thing is, this woman is so sweet and caring and nice, etc. etc. and i really love her and i'm so glad we did what we did. i am feeling REALLY guilty about the age difference though, like i'm a freak and did something wrong and that everyone will think so. what will i tell my kids when they ask me about my first time? how will i calm their fears? how can i still hug my father knowing what i've done? part of me KNOWS it's not a bad thing, that it's a natural thing, that it felt NORMAL for a REASON, but the other part of my brain is screaming at me. part of it is obsessional thought, which i unfortunately am prone to... part of it is straight-up guilt.
this feels so great to get out. i feel better already. my friends have been helpful but i have a feeling you folks will be even more so.
thanks so much. i'm really struggling here.
wyatt
poster:wyatthaslakefever
thread:591125
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051204/msgs/591125.html