Posted by alesta on November 10, 2005, at 9:37:03
In reply to Re: just venting...no need to reply ukay:) » alesta, posted by Tamar on November 9, 2005, at 19:20:02
> Gosh, I’m not surprised you’re angry and confused. You have a lot going on right now. I was curious about a couple of things…
>
> You said:
>
> > it is not his fault
>
> and:
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> > he humiliates me
>
> So I’m wondering: if it’s not his fault, whose fault is it? Is it *your* fault he humiliates you? I don’t think so…
>
> The other thing I wondered about was where you said:
>
> > i broke up with him yesterday and then got back together again. i need more self-control
>
> You know, the word self-control wasn’t the word I was expecting to see there. Self-esteem, maybe. Or self-love. But there’s something about the word self-control… I get the impression that you feel out of control with the situation. And that’s natural in the circumstances. But it sounds as if you’re being very hard on yourself about it.
>
> I think it’s common for women in abusive relationships to feel very confused about what they want. And no doubt there are things about this man you find very appealing, or you simply wouldn’t go back to him.
>
> Do you believe it is possible to find those appealing qualities in a man who is nice to you?
>
> Tamar
>
>
>tamar thank u for your reply! you make some good points...i'm collecting all this advice on these boards for when i'm ready to face this stuff...i get traumatized just thinking about this relationship at this point. my self-esteem is pretty shattered currently, you are right.
yes, something about him does a appeal to me. not sure what..maybe i don't want to be alone...he has a way of creating this big empty space when he's not there....and he can be....trying to think here...what does he do for me...he can be fun sometimes. tells me i'm beautiful a lot. (although he makes me feel objectified..doesn't compliment other stuff.)makes me feel secure and protected (god only knows why). and i like the way he touches me, and looks at me, sometimes. although most of the time he is jabbing mentally at me. man, why did i have to start thinking about him..sh#t. he makes me feel like the center of his universe, and like a belong to someone...he, in his twisted way, loves me. he is all i have. that's a biggie. i'm sure there's more. i don't know the real reason i can't leave right now...but i know i could find it elsewhere and more. i'm not sure i am all that in love with this guy. oh man. i think it will actually be easy once i'm out of here. i hope. thanks tamar for taking the time to read/analyze that.:-)
i'm gonna put him out of my mind for a while...ugh!
amy:)
poster:alesta
thread:577088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051031/msgs/577402.html