Posted by alesta on November 9, 2005, at 10:44:53
caution: this is like a totally downer, dry post.
i have so much anger boiling up inside me right now concerning my abusive boyfriend...i know i've asked for advice in multiple threads...so i'm just gonna post this to get some more fun emotions off my chest.
all of a sudden all this anger is surfacing..maybe it's a healing process..the process to restoring my sanity. i can't stand the untruths that he tells me that make me feel bad about myself. i hate him. there i said it. it is not his fault, but i still am going to allow myself to hate him, and the way he humiliates me and ruins my day and twists my mind around and gives me a headache and stresses me and confuses me and puts the blame on me and makes me feel like i'm losing my mind.
i broke up with him yesterday and then got back together again. i need more self-control but don't have it at this time. i might be out of the shelter sooner than i thought (recently back in contact with my long lost father who is going to help me get another car, maybe get a place, etc.), so that will be ideal for helping me to break away.
i'm hoping if i can distance from him i can restore myself soon...i think i have PTSD, but have had it in response to my mother and it can last as little as a few days (if the exposure to her wasn't too extensive, and if i make sure to vent my feelings). i feel myself healing already. if i don't talk about my feelings, the PTSD doesn't heal nearly as fast...
i can't wait til i can move on from this sh$t..man i really feel like cussing up a storm...i have been saying the f word more lately...which is uncharacteristic..
thank u for reading if you made it through. really, i appreciate it.:) aim:)
poster:alesta
thread:577088
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051031/msgs/577088.html