Posted by AdaGrace on October 25, 2005, at 8:16:49
In reply to Being called stupid!!!, posted by corafree on October 23, 2005, at 9:41:47
I think what you are saying, and correct me if I am wrong, but I think you are saying that you have self doubt, as many of us do in regards to our intelligence. Being called stupid seems to burn us to the core, because we feel we already think that about ourselves sometimes and what we really need is encouragement to the opposite instead of being put down.
I know how it feels. I have been called that many times. Especially if I was engaged in a coversation regarding something I wasn't very well read on, like religion for example. I would keep saying, I don't want to have this discussion, I don't feel I know enough about it to "debate" the issue. Of course, the admission would bring on the put down.
Some people find joy or superiority in achnowledging someone elses short comings. Or at least trying to make them feel like they have shortcomings.
I've recently experience a relationship in which I was called every name in the book. From F*in B, to Psycotic Nightmare, to Mother F, (which I generally thought was reserved for the male species). When I voiced the hurt I experienced from these labels, I was told that I deserved it. "Act like a B and get called a B" No matter how much I protested, I was told that I caused this person to react towards me the way they did. In retrospect, I realize that this was his way of feeling superior to me. When things came to a head, and I said how hurt I was, he had accomplished his goal. He meant to hurt me. These were words, labels said in the heat of anger, but meant to hurt. No appologies ever came later. In fact, I was once told that if I had better self esteem I would be able to handle what he dished out. Of course when I tried to handle it differently (besides being hurt) such as fighting back, I was told I was constantly trying to fight. "Why do you want to fight all the time"? It was a no win situation. Once he even said "Waaa Waaa, you're such a baby". It was a mind game I could never really understand. Now he is gone, and the sad thing is, I miss him. There were times when I felt appreciated. Of course many more where I didn't.
"Women are emotional creatures" his words ring in my ear. I guess I would rather be emotional, and tell it like it is, and run the risk of being called a whiner, instead of an emotionaless stone set out to hurt others to make myself feel superior.
Wow, how did this become about me?
Guess I am just saying that I understand. I've been there. It's degrading and it's humiliating, and sometimes there is no way out but out the door. If you tell your SO that what he said was very hurtful to you, and he seems genuinly sorry, things should perk up. But if it happens again, in the same words, or different ones, be on the lookout for a pattern that cannot be easily broken.
AS much as I hate it, I have to quote myself "Sorry doesn't mean anything if the behavior continues" I tell my kids that often. When I told this man this, he laughed and said, "I am not your child" guess it is true, some people can never learn.
I often think that he would encourage a fight in me so that he could put me down. I think he would then use that as an excuse to "put me on ignore". Who knows what is in the mind of some men.
Sorry for making this about me, when you are obviously hurting. I tend to be self centered. I hope that by telling you my experience you might know that someone else out there knows how you feel.
AdaGrace
poster:AdaGrace
thread:570850
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051002/msgs/571671.html