Posted by Bob Jones on October 5, 2005, at 17:36:24
In reply to Re: Psychiatric Disorder, marriage, and children » Bob Jones, posted by greyskyeyes on October 5, 2005, at 13:35:39
I thank you for all of your responses. Some answers to some questions:
1. "What are you getting out of the relationship?" Because I've experienced 4 psychiatric hospitalizations, and because I know what I refer to as "the depression experience," I'm hopeful that she will come out of her current depression. I'm well aware of the dangers of women being on psych meds while pregnant. She is not currently pregnant. But: is empathy equivalent to love? The answer is "no." So, my answer to the question is, She brings me joy, sometimes. At other times it's just plain awful.
2. Will I have a child with the woman? My answer is "no, I will not." I HAVE 'produced' sperm for the fertility clinic to analyze (it's fine. 'Produce' is the term that's used there), but that's all. The actual fertilization would be the next step.
3. "When are you really going to start resenting this?" I began to have negative feelings about her, and towards her, approximately 3 weeks after I picked her up at the airport (this past summer). She had been visiting with her family, in Europe, for about 2 months before she returned to the USA.
This may seem improbable but it is true: my best friend is my ex-wife. And I'm her best friend. I've been speaking with her regularly about what's been going on and, of course, she doesn't like it. But coming home from work tonight I thought to myself: "If I do ask her to leave, where will she go? She has very little money. It might be a load off of me but wouldn't her depression just worsen? Then what?"
The only choice for her, if I do ask her to leave, would be for her to move back to her family in Romania. But she came back to the USA to marry me, which, as I've said, she now refuses to do.
I will NOT kick her out of my apartment and put her on the streets. The psychotherapist she is seeing does marriage counseling and I've asked her if she would permit BOTH of us to see him for a few sessions. This might be helpful but, of course, I would be deciding what to do. I'm going to give more time. How much time? I'm not sure. I know that we're only here for a very limited time, so it won't be in terms of years.
poster:Bob Jones
thread:562232
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20051002/msgs/563333.html