Posted by Susan47 on June 25, 2005, at 19:52:04
In reply to Re: I KNOW she's too much for me » Tamar, posted by sunny10 on June 23, 2005, at 7:43:18
It's unfortunate that you let yourself get this close to the new "friend". She must have a great deal of personal magnetism. I've known a few women like that, and I liked them but in the end I don't believe you can trust them, and you cannot have any kind of a good relationship with Anyone you cannot trust. Period.
I've been there, Laurie had the potential to be an incredibly powerful woman. She was strong, and opinionated, and she had so much chutzpah, I can see her face so clearly, she's laughing and her dark brown eyes are smiling, but she's a mess, it's a different pair of boots under the bed every single night, my God she isn't even getting PAID for it, and she should, because these guys treat her like a whore, they use her so badly and she actually wants it that way, she prefers to be loose, it's like she doesn't know anything else. She's always chainsmoking, even as she was breastfeeding her new son, whose father completely ignored their existence, she lit up one after another Rothman's. The little guy came down with pneumonia, and I don't know if, thirty years ago, they'd made the connection, you know, to smoking and lung weakness in infants, but she continued to smoke while she did anything and the little guy almost died, and it didn't change a thing in the way she neglectfully took care of him. She was neglectful of her own self, she wouldn't be any other way with anyone else in her life. I know, because I was the straight friend you could have a laugh with, the one you relied on when the guys went bad, as they always did, the one you dressed alike (!!!) with and went out to the local dance and had the guys Stampeding, actually fighting over you, it was hard to believe, like .. she's the one who taught me to wear makeup to enhance what I had, she's the one who taught me to smoke and to swear and to love certain drugs.
And I still do. But I have no idea whatever happened to Laurie, I really should do the decent thing. I should look her up. But I can't, you know, because I know, or I think I know, what I might find out would be just sad. She'd be different than I remember her, the good feeling about her joyful laugh, .. she didn't have enough of those laughs back then, and I'm so scared to find out she doesn't have them at all, anymore. I just don't really want to know.
I wish you the best, no matter what you decide, sorry for rambling this way. I just kind of went off. Take care, Sunny, let us know how it goes, maybe start by not returning any phone calls no matter what. You don't really have to have any discussion with her, you know, if she's been phoning you every day, you can bet she does this with all her friends, or has at one point or another, and other people get the same thing, she likely burns people out very quickly, and moves through friends, so I don't think you should feel badly, you know? You might tell her though in some way, and that's the hard part, the exact words to use, but tell her you're open to a relationship after she's done some healing and to let you know when she's stronger, because you yourself are very weak right now, and frightened, not trusting yourself, you're too vulnerable to be her friend right now, she needs strong people around her, she needs to find the people who she knows from her own past, who will support her and help her go in the direction she really wants to take. She needs support and friendship from the right people, which is maybe why she's chosen you, because she sees how she would like to be friends with you as well, because she's also attracted to you for friendship and fun, but you're just both not ready for each other. Because you know, a friendship is a Relationship, it really is.
poster:Susan47
thread:516617
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050531/msgs/518863.html