Posted by Chairman_MAO on May 12, 2005, at 14:11:56
In reply to realization, posted by alesta on May 5, 2005, at 21:59:42
As one of those genuinely nice, [com]passionate, loving guys out there, I spent many years not to long ago enmeshed in romantic relationships that involved women who only wanted someone who treated them like sh*t--which I was not capable of doing (what a shortcoming, right?). To this day I still have an insecurity regarding the fact that women always use me as a "fallback" or go out with me whenever the "bad boys" prove too much and they need a break and a sympathetic shoulder to cry on. Then they just leave me whenever they're ready for more abuse, all the while lamenting to me how much they hate being abused.
I once had a girl refuse to go out with me on the grounds that I was "not ambiguous enough" regarding the fact that I was falling in love with her. Makes me sick, it does.
It was incredibly frustrating and disheartening. It's incredibly reassuring to find that there are women out there who don't want to continue being that way! My current g/f used to be involved (years ago) with a sociopath (in the words of her PTSD therapist, not me) who raped her, tried to suffocate her, and yet she still went back to him.
It is hard for me to feel completely secure that she is done wanting to pursue the as*hole because of all of my experiences to the contrary with women in the past. Thank you for posting to let me know that there are other women out there who are like that but who want to change. I'm sure my g/f would thank you, too, because she gets pissed off at me when I hint that she might be going out with me, the "nice guy" simply because she was tired of pursuing the sociopath, and not because she truly found me more attractive and pleasant to be with.
poster:Chairman_MAO
thread:494271
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050505/msgs/496924.html