Posted by Dinah on May 9, 2005, at 20:24:12
In reply to The affect of therapy on marriage » gardenergirl, posted by TofuEmmy on May 7, 2005, at 21:53:36
Oh, Emmy, you are so right. I was talking about this with my therapist the other day.
My husband is someone who *likes* to stay on the surface of life. And who's to say that he's wrong. His mother and my father both died at the same time, and he seems to be just fine. He was only upset when she was ill, and he didn't know what he was supposed to *do*. Once he didn't need to do anything, he was fine.
My therapist's take on it is that it's fine to appreciate each relationship for what it *does* give you, and find other sources for meeting other needs. So my other sources may be here, or may be my therapist.
I don't think it's a coincidence that I started looking for outside sources of attachment after being married for a little while. My family may have been as dysfunctional as all get out, but it was a rich source of emotional connection. Not all good, but definitely not superficial.
So in therapy, I learned healthier ways of connecting than I did in my family of origin, but have no one in my non-therapy life to connect to.
So I guess unless my husband suddenly makes a 180 degree turn, I'll be a therapy lifer. Because I need that connection to be stable.
God, that's a funny thing to think. That as oddly disturbed as my family of origin was, that it was also a source of the emotional connection I need for stability. Otherwise I drift away into anxiety.
poster:Dinah
thread:494759
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050505/msgs/495752.html