Posted by Gabbi-x-2 on April 14, 2005, at 17:23:56
In reply to I don't have anyone, posted by katherpoo1 on April 3, 2005, at 13:44:09
> What scared me most recently was when this Terri Schiavo story came to the national arena and I realized that she was my age when she fell and put herself into the state she was. It put me into a terrible fear that I would, eventually, die alone.
I had worried about that before whe it came to not being able to find a husband (I had a 8-year relationship that eventually just wasn't meant to be)... but it just struck me that if anything happened to me, not only would nobody be at my bedside, nobody would be around to make decisions on my behalf. I found it very sad to be 26 and already worried about dying alone.When I was twenty - six I agonized about being alone, dying alone, I think it was probably most prevelant fear, and now 10 years later, still single, I don't fear it anymore.
I realized that even with a solid relationship there is no guarantee that you won't end up alone. There are still things that need to be worked on within yourself so you aren't terrified about whatever may or may not happen.
Someone said to me "That's not an issue for you yet, dying alone, you don't know that by the time it happens, you will not have lived long enough, to develop the skills to cope with it"
That was a good piece of advice.>
> I'm not suicidal or anything -- I'm an "anxiety-person" and hope against hope to live a long and fulfilling life. And yet you can't ignore reality when it's staring you in the face. I'm working on how I feel about it in therapy, but there don't appear to be any real solutions. I've joined clubs and such, but I feel like a wallflower - as always, a social outcast. I should add that my therapist and I agree I don't have self-esteem issues, even though this post sounds pretty "blue."
>Well.. for me, joining clubs and things would never work, because I'm so selective of who I like to spend time with. I really really have to click with someone to feel comfortable.
It's not to say I don't like most people, because I do, but to overcome the urge to stay by myself, I have to be inspired. Could it be that you just aren't meeting the right people? I'm obviously just throwing that out as a possibility. Because I'm very much a wallflower when I'm faced with a group I can't relate to, but if there's a soul to soul connection, I'm not a wallflower at all. Maybe you just don't like groups. That's okay!
Many of the fears I had in my twenties have thankfully lessened in my thirties, I didn't believe it when people told me they would. I thought it would be worse, being single and just being older, well that would be awful!
Much had to do with my depression being put in remission too, I had no idea that parts of what I thought were my personality, the fears and chronic anxiety, were manifestations of the illness. At the time I thought the illness just meant down in the dumps.
Of course I don't know if that helps at all, but I was terrified at your age, of all those things.
I'd wake up in the middle of the night I was so anxious, so I thought perhaps I could relate a bit.
poster:Gabbi-x-2
thread:479323
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/484288.html