Posted by katherpoo1 on April 3, 2005, at 13:44:09
I am not kidding.
I come to places like this for support... here, I got slammed on my first post (it was under a different name - I had trouble with my password ;) )... I'm a moderator on another board and since I have a "leadership" role there, I am reluctant to air out all my stuff.
My family and I have been estranged for years (LONG story). I have social anxiety and the only local friend I had here (someone I knew from college) has blown me off. I am in graduate school; those are peripheral sort of acquainences at best. I have some friendships, we maintain contact by phone only because everyone's scattered - and they live their own lives and don't want to be called everytime I'm having a panic attack or whatever.
What scared me most recently was when this Terri Schiavo story came to the national arena and I realized that she was my age when she fell and put herself into the state she was. It put me into a terrible fear that I would, eventually, die alone. I had worried about that before whe it came to not being able to find a husband (I had a 8-year relationship that eventually just wasn't meant to be)... but it just struck me that if anything happened to me, not only would nobody be at my bedside, nobody would be around to make decisions on my behalf. I found it very sad to be 26 and already worried about dying alone.
I'm not suicidal or anything -- I'm an "anxiety-person" and hope against hope to live a long and fulfilling life. And yet you can't ignore reality when it's staring you in the face. I'm working on how I feel about it in therapy, but there don't appear to be any real solutions. I've joined clubs and such, but I feel like a wallflower - as always, a social outcast. I should add that my therapist and I agree I don't have self-esteem issues, even though this post sounds pretty "blue."What's a girl to do? --K
poster:katherpoo1
thread:479323
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/479323.html