Posted by Shy_Girl on March 30, 2005, at 19:17:43 [reposted on March 30, 2005, at 23:50:36 | original URL]
Hello, first time posting on this particular board. I was just wondering whether or not I might have some defect in my personality or something.
It seems that I cannot get close to people. I had a boyfriend for nearly a year (my first and only boyfriend ever) and he put up with lots of crap like me never calling and telling him not to hug me so much. It was almost like gender roles where reversed or something. He was always asking about how I was and being all affectionate. Meanwhile, I must admit that I found the affection very annoying. I am not at all comfortable with touching, kissing, etc. He would say he loved me and I would mirror back the words and not really know if I meant them. I tried to break up with him many times, but he wouldn't let me. I finally convinced him it was over and he was clearly upset. I was not at all upset and find that I was not attached to him at all. It seems that I never loved or cared for him and wouldn't care if I never heard from him again. Right now, I don't want to get into another relationship...I don't care if I ever do. I'm not really attracted to men or women. I frankly satisfy all sexual needs on my own. I like being independent. Is there something really wrong with me? Why does it seem like human affection and love are alien concepts to me???
thanks for any and all insights :-)
poster:Shy_Girl
thread:477969
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20050325/msgs/477969.html