Posted by sunny10 on December 1, 2004, at 12:23:49
In reply to Re: this is true, but » AuntieMel, posted by Dinah on December 1, 2004, at 8:57:16
I agree with everything you just said. I think what I meant to say is that love itself is not possible unless you can love yourself first.
As far as trust goes, you have to be able to trust yourself to know the difference between truth and lies before you can fully trust another person even when they have earned that trust. Unfairly, they can't earn what we don't have to give.
And as far as any kind of boundaries go, again you must first have established your own boundaries, and be able to explain them in a rational fashion, before acusing others of crossing them. Do I know for a fact that I am not a manipulator, abuser, cheater, liar, betrayer, or disrespectful? Sometimes my depression and fear of abandonment can make me act some of those ways. I should know these things about myself so that I can stay away from it in others.
What I was trying to say is that for some of us, depression itself can "change the flavor" of all of our relationships because of what WE think/feel. Not everything bad about a relationship is always the other person's fault!
Unconditional love can only happen when both parties are secure- in who they are, and what they have to offer a relationship- and each person is content with the qualities their "other half" posesses. I think that's why the parent/child relationship comes closest to what we know as "unconditional", like you said.
poster:sunny10
thread:417008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/422870.html