Posted by saw on November 30, 2004, at 0:35:32
In reply to My marriage isn't in jeopardy, posted by Dinah on November 29, 2004, at 20:43:35
Dear Dinah
Your post touched on a few of my scars. I divorced when my son was just a year old. For me, divorce was the only way to save our lives. I do believe that if a minor child is in danger, emotionally, or otherwise, then divorce is the best option.
However, in your case, it is clear that you have a solid family foundation for your son and that you are both prepared to commit to yourselves, and to your son.
I am much like your husband and tend to deal with my stress by becoming very irritable and moody, and frankly, quite unpleasant to be around. My son (and husband) bear the brunt of this. It makes me feel terrible. Guilty. A failure. It makes me feel a bad, bad mom. And my son is quite opposite to yours. My son cries easily, and never holds his emotions in. Oh, and he hardly ever behaves, but this is not in a bad way. He is ADHD as well, and that is a challenge in it's own.
My husband, similar to you, retreats in times of stress. Retreats into himself, into his sport, into his work. He becomes controlled and utterly "capable" and sometimes even cheerful. (Much to my chagrin).
I am starting gym in the new year and my husband has bought me a punching bag and boxing gloves (seriously!!). I wish I had other avenues of releasing my stress, unhappiness and frustration. It hurts me that I hurt my family by being a nasty person to be around. They don't deserve it. And I am ashamed of myself. Perhaps my awareness now, will help me to curtail this kind of behaviour.
I admire that you do not tolerate your husband taking his frustrations out on your son. I think there is a lesson for me to learn here. Perhaps if I do not tolerate this behaviour in myself, I will be less tempted to take out my moods on my beautiful little child and loving husband.
My wound at losing my Dad a couple of weeks ago has not yet closed so I have empathy for you and your father and mother-in-law and how you must be feeling about this.
Dinah, thank you for further opening my eyes to my own in-need-of-change ways.
I wish you much strength and send you heartfelt thoughts during this very stressful time.
Sabrina
poster:saw
thread:422032
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/422167.html