Posted by Dinah on November 29, 2004, at 20:43:35
Because neither of us believe in divorce when there is a minor child involved. And neither of us want to be part time parents. So we have tons and tons of commitment to get us through rough times.
But boy, times are rough.
My husband's mother is dying, my father is dying. His mother will probably die before my father. But my parents need me way more than his parents need him because frankly mine have significant degrees of mental illness and/or personality disorders.
We're both under tremendous stress.
I cope with stress by spacing out, getting superrational, and losing myself in work or enthusiasms. Basically turning away from others.
He copes with stress by getting super-crabby and making everyone around him wish they or he was far far away. He's snapping at me and my son. I really can't take it right now (or ever really). And I am utterly adamant that my son should never ever have to take his father acting out his frustrations with him. (Not physically acting out, but being really irritable with him.)
My poor son is the sort that holds everything in and behaves too well. He went around for days looking like he was about to burst into tears and denying it. I finally had him look at the little boy in the mirror and ask him what the little boy in the mirror needed to make him feel better.
Trouble is that now he's trying to work superhard to look cheerful, in addition to being good. His schoolwork is suffering, and my husband wants to come down hard on him for that.
I am at a loss. I told my husband that he needed to either speak to someone, or go back to the gym, or something, because I couldn't stand it. He is behaving better for a day or two, but I know he'll do neither and go back to being himself.
I find myself wishing we weren't so opposed to divorce. Yet I know that being divorced would be as stressful as living with him.
I *understand* how upset he is. How scared. How much he wants to be able to *do* something. I empathize. But does he have to react this way to those things?
We just aren't meshing well at all.
I don't suppose there's anything to be done about it.
poster:Dinah
thread:422032
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/422032.html