Posted by vwoolf on November 22, 2004, at 13:37:56
In reply to He hit me, posted by vwoolf on November 21, 2004, at 13:23:48
Thanks to all of you for the support and concern. I can't find the energy to reply to individual posts, but you are all very dear to me at the moment and I am treasuring what you have said.
I am really battling with this situation. My H has apologised profusely, and seems completely mortified by what he has done. He has sworn never to do it again. As a family we are going through a difficult phase. I am in therapy for a series of issues including csa, and have been taking a lot out on him. I have recently been refusing any sexual encounters, which he has respected but not really understood. He is about to retire, and is needing my support in planning for this, but I am not really available. Our child finished school on Friday, and is now in the process of leaving home etc etc etc. Lots of problems. So I understand in a sense why he lost control. At the same time I am furious that he could do this to me. I feel shocked and horrified, and feel I should somehow make him pay.
I have told him I want to see a couples' therapist, and he has agreed, although he is not keen. I agree with Verne, in that I am reluctant to take it outside the family, because I feel that there is so much to be lost. But at the same time I am scared to keep everything hidden any more, because I feel we are not coping. We really need help.
My T is supporting me in this. I am seeing her 3 times a week again, which will hopefully give me the containment I need. My H probably needs therapy, but is not ready to accept it yet, so couple therapy is probably the best solution.
I am still feeling quite detached from it all emotionally, but as you can see I am beginning to be able to deal with what happened intellectually. We have been together for a very long time, and I think we owe it to each other to try and find a way through this before we throw it all, baby and bathtub, out the window.
Thanks again, everyone. I am sorry I triggered old stories for some of you. It was very generous of you to share, and very helpful to me.
A big hug to all.
Bestest.
VWoolf
poster:vwoolf
thread:418636
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041118/msgs/419004.html