Posted by AdaGrace on October 18, 2004, at 9:14:24
In reply to Re: Still Thinking of HIm Tonight, posted by dazedandconfused on October 17, 2004, at 19:09:19
My self worth was entirely dependent on his approval. That's the key here. I had sent him pictures (only good ones of course) and had lost about 20 pounds before we met....I was so worried about what he would think, as I still feel I am 20 pounds to goal. When he was here of course he said I was beautiful and I felt it. But in three weeks time the no contact started. (about the time he met this other woman) contact was sporatic after that and I began to feel a rejection like no other. Of course I blamed it on my ugly fat looks and felt as if he was not satisfied with me at all. It hurt my ego and pride tremendously and I told him that. Of course he denied feeling that way, said he felt he could never have me and it wasn't his intention to go looking for someone else. I knew though, I knew in my heart that I was just too ugly and fat for him to love me. That is when the depression really kicked it up a notch, and of course a few months later when I found out that not only did he have a girlfriend but she was living with him......my world shattered. How could he? It was like I was 17 again and gave away my virginity to some sweaty football player who then went on to the cheerleader. It's was so hurtful to me that I actually accused him of "getting what he wanted and then just leaving" and he was so angered by that and said he was just so hurt by my words. But essentially that is what happened. I had not had sex with anyone but my husband for 18 years, I was totally devestated by this. I absolutely have no self worth now.
poster:AdaGrace
thread:404087
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20041015/msgs/404362.html