Posted by 64bowtie on September 28, 2004, at 12:49:15
In reply to Re: grew up and found self-respect » just plain jane, posted by gardenergirl on September 28, 2004, at 0:48:37
GG,
No wonder folks looked at me like I had two heads when I said I had gone celibate back in 1997. I found out that I was "not alone" as the male in the relationship (gracefully put). My (second) ex-wife was seeing someone associated with her work after 12 years of hard work on our part. So I had to escape or suffer. He was in law enforcement and played with guns and car chases at his work. I escaped. I at the same time put my foot down, that the relationship failures were going to stop!
I'm not naive. Relationships are the "basket cases" of all our lives. I will continue to do the very best I can and learn not to beat myself up over failures. "Pick myself up! Brush myself off! Start all over again!" With my "celibacy strategy", I was just delaying the start part.
18 months went by and I didn't even go to share repast at Mickey-D's with any women. I was a good boy for that time for sure.
What I learned that I needed to correct about my relationship style, I identified within the first couple of months. I remained steadfast and took the extra time to explore some of my other de-fugal-ties. I also had reconnected with my old friend David Peck, who listened at first to my whining about how unfair my exwife had been. The timing was remarkable because he was just starting his professional study group and invited me in, even though I wasn't a certified professional. Now, the rest is history.
But "sabbatical"....? I coulda thought of it that way! It was! It was a designated vaction to be used for learning. I guess I was still toooo arrogant and needed to call it celibacy. Must be a Catholic thing I wanna look good doing.
I learned so many allied details that I am still implementing, that I will always and forever be grateful and patting myself on the back for doing it. "My sabbatical" even sounds so much more professional.
Rod
poster:64bowtie
thread:395489
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/396322.html