Posted by just plain jane on September 26, 2004, at 20:48:26
it is finito.
There is an email from him in my inbox with the Subject: "cruel", which I am not going to read, but I know he is saying how cruel I am for leaving his house with my dog today and not letting him say goodbye to her.
And it is pure BS.
Not the part about me taking my dog, the part about me being cruel. I was extending my care for him by allowing my dog to be there with him and his dog while he could not work.
I have four dogs. The one who stayed with him for a while is 2 years old. She was there for about two months. I visited her frequently. His dog is more like mine also, as he goes completely bananas when he sees me.
Anyway...
I've never lived under someone else's roof since I left my parents' home 31 years ago. Always, wherever I lived, single or not, I was the responsible party for the home. When relationships ended, I was not obliged to leave. Though sometimes I did.
I am independent, do not like to ask for help (although I have learned how over the past five years) and remain resistant to it. Even asking my strong, willing eighteen-year-old son for help is only when it's a two person job or I find I absolutely cannot do something.
Owing someone is next to being diseased for me, competing is just as bad unless it's for fun or necessary. It has no place in a relationship, though. I will not compete simply for the sake of winning, of being right.
Nor will I cheat. I tried it years ago and it was horrendous. I still feel like crap for ever having done it. Not even at cards or other games.
So, I told him all this and much more, all brutally honest, about myself when we got together two-and-a-half years ago.
Did he listen? Did he believe? Did he comprehend?
No.
After six months of nagging at me to move in with him in his new, big, beautiful, expensive home from my old, sad mobile home in ten acres, I finally gave in. STUPID!!!
NOT GOOD!!!
Moved back to my home last February but continued seeing him. Nothing in his behavior changed and WHY WAS I SUCH A DUMBA$$??!!!!!!!
He's off work (rolling my eyes) and losing everything because he is a total f-up with money. A month ago he offered to let me use his cell phone if I'd pay the fee so he could keep his plan, and I STUPIDLY ACCEPTED, even though I knew he would track my calls. So what, I don't make any calls I shouldn't or would be embarrassed about.
So, just this afternoon my son and I went to help him remove the carpet his dog damaged, but I paid to replace ($735), so the carpetlayers could come and install the new stuff.
He wanted me to take a look at something on his computer, so I went in to look and there, minimized, so I opened it, was a Notebook file with a list of people I had called with the cell phone on it.
Indeed, he had been online and looked at my calls and then used Anywho or something to find out to whom they were placed.
That, my friends, was the final straw.
For all this time I put up with his "insecurity", due, he says, to all the other women he's been with screwing around on him. I tolerated him being extremely suspicious of any/everything I did.
WHAT THE HEJJ DID I DO THAT FOR????
I have NEVER BEFORE put up with such bullshyt!!!
GAD!!!
Thank you for this opportunity to pop the weight off the pressure cooker and let the contents spew forth.
No sympathy necessary.
Comments welcome.
just plain dumb
poster:just plain jane
thread:395489
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/relate/20040917/msgs/395489.html