Posted by alexandra_k on August 17, 2013, at 21:19:34
In reply to Re: new p-doc » alexandra_k, posted by Partlycloudy on August 17, 2013, at 18:52:01
> Sometimes, instead of thinking about it and almost talking ourselves out of it (because we are so clever, aren't we?) it really is best to just trust that the advice is coming from a reliable, knowledgable source, and it needs our doing. And that is it.
> It has happened to me a couple of times I have been willing to trust my therapist enough, and dammit if she doesn't know better than I.
> Even her (what seem to be) off hand remarks ring true. She knows me and my situation(s) so very well. We are also oddly connected somehow. Like, she had a bad tumble in her backyard, and at the same time, I blindly missed the top step on a flight of stairs in the dark. Like you do. So we both showed up at the next session really roughed up, but not knowing about the other's injuries.
> Weird stuff.
> But yeah, when she talk, I listen. Lately more so.That is good that you have that.
I suppose I've realized that the reason I got a slamming for my mid-term is because I wasn't appropriately... supplicant...?... to my advisor. I think that is the right word.
I... Thought there was something not good in 'doing what my advisor would have done were he to think on the topic'. But now I see that that is basically the way to get things done. I missed a lot... In starting to read first year textbooks by myself (as I guess, I'm supposed to do) I'm seeing that this, that, and the next thing are *technical terms* with precise, often mathematically defined meanings...
Appropriate humility... I guess partly it is about that. I was supposed to... Not beg him... But work hard to coax him into wanting to help me. Rather than wandering off... Demoralized...
I don't know that I have the temperament for this. Or that I've got it in myself to find the appropriate tone...
Dammit.
I know he used to have no time for mental illness... For people who were afflicted. But then one person who was close turned out to be bi-polar and he saw both how functional that person could be and then how totally destructive that person could be. And so now he does have a conception of people being able to function highly (at times) so as to be worthwhile... But being totally f*ck*ng useless (his words) at other times... And... I think he has a degree of tolerance for that, now. Perhaps he can tolerate me...
He does talk a lot about how one of our advances from teh chimps (our closest living ancestor) is our tolerance to our young. We put up with them being curious (observing and imitating) our antics without... Killing them. He says that a lot. LIke... Like it is pretty f*ck*ng tempting sometimes.
Sigh.
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1048672
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130807/msgs/1049247.html