Posted by alexandra_k on August 9, 2013, at 22:12:02
In reply to Re: new p-doc » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on August 9, 2013, at 21:15:13
> I'm sorry, Alex, that you're in crisis. I haven't been reading much lately. Was there trouble with the thesis extension?
>
> What is across the harbor bridge? A new program? Or a new apartment?My extension went through.
I don't think I'm in crisis.
But I remembered this stuff... I guess it is odd that the CATT team are calling me every couple days...
Maybe that means I am in crisis?
I don't understand.Across the bridge is the city. A good university with a number of libraries where I can find a quiet refuge to study. Even... Find myself surrounded by people who are engaged in focused study. Which actually (much to my surprise) seems to help me catch their bug. A number of pretty parks with people who are contemplative and reflective. A number of overheard conversations about all kinds of things... People being curious... People who *want to know* who are *trying to figure stuff out*. My gym.
This other side of the bridge...
Is where I live. It is across the road from the university campus where I came to study physio. There is a health science library just across the road. It is all set up for group work. It is next to impossible to find a quiet space to hide yourself in. There aren't really any productive individual workers (I kind of feel sorry for the people who are trying to get their pens in order etc for focused study who really don't seem to understand why they are having so much trouble). You can't study there because there are too many people who don't know how to read. Looking and smiling. There are too many people who refuse to allow you to not participate in looking and smiling. If they smile in your direction and you ignore them (e.g., because you are reading or writing) then they start making noise to catch your attention. The more you ignore them (to not reward them) the more they escalate.
I've had librarians call security on me because they said they 'thought I was asleep' because I wouldn't respond to their noisy shelving efforts to get me to interact with them.
This side of the bridge isn't a 'destination campus'. It is ugly. Most of the academics don't even have individual offices. But then, most of the academics don't have PhD's or the ability to do much aside from look and smile, either.
I need to get far away from here. Because this environment won't let me think, you see. I need to look and smile look and smile look and smile. Otherwise there is clearly something wrong with me and I need to be helped. People will not back off and allow me to think. I'm talking at a very basic level here. For instance, waiting for the bus and someone sits far too close to me on the totally empty bench and starts bouncing up and down when I continue to look away (trying to think) and they escalate... And the urge for me to punch them in the head becomes almost unbearable for me. They are practically tugging on my sleeves for me to pay attention to them... I...
You would need to pay me one hell of a lot than you are right now for me to babysit these f*ck*rs. Most of whom can't pass the comprehension test on round 5... And I'm not talking about the students even. I'm talking about people like... Like the f*ck*ng dean.
OMG.
I need to get away from here...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:1048672
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20130807/msgs/1048685.html